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Quotes from June, 2010 Show/Hide Comments | Keyboard Shortcuts

  • Matt 12:40 pm on June 23, 2010 Permalink | Reply

    Quotes on Chores

    Do give your kids chores to do. They need to earn that pocket money.

    Don’t horde it unless you need it or are really likely to need it.

    Iron your underwear so you know which are the clean ones!

    If it won’t fit in the drawer then you have too much – “When it’s full, it’s full.” – You can never have enough storage space though.

    It’s ‘Never Ending’ so make the most of the “Sweet Spots”. *

    “Keeps ya fit, doesn’t it!”

    “My Lord, Today is a good day to dry!”

    Our Lives aren’t immaculate so why should our homes be?

    Remember, it’ll be there when you’re not.

    Stay on top of the chores before they get on top of you.

    That a house should be lived in, but it should also be liveable.

    We all have to learn to juggle.

    Have some good quotes of your own that you would like to share? Loin or Register (for free) and Submit Them!

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  • Matt 12:31 am on June 11, 2010 Permalink | Reply

    Quotes on Children

    “Adjust your attitude, before I adjust it for you!”

    After you’ve started a scolding; finish with praise.

    “All we ask is that you try your best.”

    Always have the children walk in front of you so you can keep your eyes on them.

    Answer their questions but set the expectation of how they should behave now they have the answers.

    Be firm but fair.

    Be their best friend, until they cross the line – then they need the discipline to know where the limits are.

    Being cheeky is good, being too cheeky isn’t.

    “Boys will be Boys!” and “Girls will be Girls!”

    “But when do I grow up?” – “On the day when you start your first full time job. Why? Because you have to.”

    “Cheats never prosper.”

    Children are people too who simply haven’t lived as long as we have …

    Children have their own personalities but lots of things influence their upbringing; two important ones are to simply love them and to listen them.

    Constant Praise!

    Day Off? Game On! – Play a game with them on your day off.

    Don’t get too angry with them, they’re only kids.

    Don’t let them get away with it, I was never allowed to, so that’s why we need to be just as strict.

    Don’t let an only child get lonely.

    Don’t plan for a perfect house while the kids are young/there.

    Encourage them to own up – “I’m not angry because you told the truth.”

    Get ‘em fed then get ‘em to bed.

    Going head to head? This is the raging storm of the Clash of the Titans.

    “Good Cop; Bad Cop”; “Don’t ‘Give in to them’; Don’t be spiteful” – Just Be Reasonable – A University of Illinois study in the Sep/Oct 2007 issue of Child Development found that when one parent provided little support in response to a child’s feelings of anger or anxiety and the other parent provided a lot of support, the child had less conflict with friends and a better understanding of emotions.

    Even lions play “Rough and Tumble” to learn to fight to survive.

    Have a well stocked Tuck Box.

    I’ll give them a little tap if they’re about to kill themselves otherwise I’ll ask them what they think their punishment should be.

    “I’ll meet you half-way.”

    I’m happy if we can find what we need in your room without having to turn it upside down each time.

    “Is there a side order of manners with that?”

    It’s all a blur until they start school full time.

    It’s good to have both order and chaos in your life.

    “I believe in you.”

    “I don’t like bickering.”

    “I hate you” and “I didn’t ask to be born” are Statements of Independence.

    If kids are in full time higher education after 18 then I don’t believe they should pay rent if they are living at home otherwise they have to learn to contribute into the pot.

    If they don’t say please then you can ignore them.

    If they’re well enough to complain then they’re well enough for school. It’s when they go quiet that you have to worry.

    If you can’t distract them, ignore the strops otherwise it only fuels the fire.

    If you promise to listen to me then I’ll promise to listen to you.

    It takes tough love to keep kids on the straight and narrow.

    If you say “No” to something, then do you want to say “Yes” to something else?

    Keep the kids busy – The Devil makes work for idle hands – “Nothing is as certain as that the vices of leisure are gotten rid of by being busy.” – Seneca (5 BC – 65 AD)

    Keep their party invitations. They always come in handy.

    Kids do need to understand boredom though so they can appreciate it when they are not.

    Kids give us ‘Maximum Pain!’

    Kids need love and stability.

    Kids need their parents to be there as they go through their childhood. Parents need their kids to be there so they can enjoy their own childhood again through their own kid’s eyes.

    Kids – remember your home phone number and post code and learn to shout ‘Fire!’ If you need help – people always take notice of “Fire”, in case they believe they’re going to be caught up in it. (It’s called Diffusion of Responsibility)

    Kids should start looking for a part time job when they are 16. They need to learn how to earn money and balance their studies. Then they’re Off …

    Kids will be what you tell them they are. If you say they’re horrible then that’s what they’ll be.

    Learn to let them discover who they are.

    Let’s be clear – Kids can’t see anything beyond their nose and never listen to a word you say – “As Blind as a Bat and In One Ear and Out the Other” – “I may as well talk to the wall.”

    Liars need good memories and anyway I can always tell when you are lying.

    Make it fun at home!

    “Make sure your kids have read, listened to, watched and experienced ‘Your’ Classics.” *

    Make sure they have fond memories of growing up.

    My Children are my Garden – They need both Sun and Rain to grow strong.

    “My house, my rules.”

    “And one of my rules is to listen to you.”

    Once they start Big School then they’re not your babies anymore.

    “One in trouble; All in trouble.”

    “Our door is always open.”

    Outside games when it’s sunny; indoor games when it’s not.

    People grow at different rates.

    “Play Fair and Remember to Share.”

    Plenty of Fruit and Veg and give ‘em plenty of what they like but make sure they try something new when the opportunity’s there.

    “Please excuse the mess, we have children!”

    “Punish the Bad; Praise the Good.”

    Remember the “Pecking Order”; the eldest gets the best seat.

    Shout if you’re not heard or ignored.

    Spend time with your kids and they might want to spend time with you.

    Talk First; Shout Last.

    That Children are our investment in the future.

    That Children require infinite patience.

    That Children should be taken to bed while they still want you to for some guaranteed Golden time and, if you can, tell them what special thing you remembered about them today – Kids like it if they feel you’ve taken notice.

    “That my children are my ambition.”

    “That’s That! And no mistake.”

    There’s always going to be sibling rivalry.

    “They won’t appreciate it until they’re older.”

    They’re a worry from the moment of conception.

    Tough Love – “Keep your nose clean, otherwise I’ll be mean.”

    The kid’s watershed is 9pm or when they start Secondary School.

    Their hormones often result with the reaction of an explosion of emotion – “Chill Out!”

    Tell them that good behaviour will be rewarded and do it – this makes the opposite true too.

    Tell them where the line is – when they are near it, on it and then when they’ve crossed it and why.

    The kids always ask you questions, so always ask them questions.

    “They’ll have to learn at some point.”

    Torture your kids as they will torture you.

    Toughen them up to make them last longer.

    Up to 16 kids are told, then we interfere until 18 then we advise until 21 and after that they’re on their own unless they want to come to us.

    “We have to push through the pain and move it all along.”

    “We must show a united front”.

    “We try not to do same day or next day assignments!” – ie. Give us notice.

    “What we do for one; we do for the other(s) too”.

    “Whatever happens, we will always love and standby you.”

    “Whatever they do, I’ll be happy, if they’re happy.”

    “When it’s time to go; Go! Everybody Out! Last one out gets a poke in the ribs.”

    “Who Starts? – Youngest First” – They have to learn to jump in at the deep end.

    “Yes, No, We’ll see” – mean what you say.

    You are the Boss, don’t let them dictate to you nor try to pull the wool over your eyes, but do listen to what they’re saying.

    You can tell them you’re blue in the face but it’s their lives that they have to lead.

    You can’t blame just the parents – Kids can make a choice too.

    “You can’t have what we ain’t got”.

    You need the patience of a saint.

    “Your Mother’s always right!”

    50p pocket money once they are in Junior School then a pound when they are in High School. In other words, the less you give the better for them to appreciate money.

    Have your own quotes that you would like to share with the world? Submit them!

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  • Matt 5:24 pm on May 25, 2010 Permalink | Reply

    Quotes on Business

    Allow your bait to be taken by the minnows, it’s the big fish we’re after.

    Always aim high but be prepared to go lower.

    Believe in trust and people’s word but be prepared to be disappointed in this day and age.

    Change is Opportunity.

    Choose when you have to be ruthless.

    Diversify to expand but keep your core strong.

    Every business needs a business model tailored to fit. One size does not fit all.

    Good relationships make good business.

    “I want what you’ve got, and more” and then trade began. But if there’s no trade, there’s jealousy and then jealousy leads to greed and then onto war.

    Identify the goals you’re working ‘towards’ – “Begin with the end in mind.” – “No wind favours he who has no destined port” – Montaigne (Inventor of the ‘essay’)

    “If you aren’t fired up with enthusiasm, you’ll be fired with enthusiasm.” – Vince Lombardi – (Football Coach – 1913-1970)

    If you don’t push the gate, it’ll never open …

    “Inches make champions.”—Vince Lombardi – A bit more concentration, one extra push in practice, a consistent second effort for a tiny additional gain. He didn’t ask his players to be something other than they were – he asked them to improve their best an inch at a time. He knew inches add up, in life as in sports.

    It’ll sell if it’s practical and of value to the people who want to buy it.

    It may be more profitable to share your knowledge freely so others may benefit from it, given the right circumstances.

    No one’s knows the product more than a manufacturer who uses their own products.

    “Now that society is all ferrocrete and stainless steel there are fewer gaps in the joints. It takes a very smart rat indeed to find these openings. Only a stainless steel rat can be at home in this environment…” Harry Harrison, the Stainless Steel Rat.

    “No PO; No GO!” (Purchase Order)

    Make cuts, not to retreat back but to grow forward.

    “See beyond them so not to see them as individuals but as the faction they represent to avoid being emotional as this can cloud the best outcome for all. Now see that faction as a colour and place that colour on the board of your game.”

    That it needs a good product, a lot of persistence and a little luck to succeed.

    There’s always a market for something … and there’s always money in muck.

    “Today’s hits are tomorrow’s advertising.” *

    Too much choice can be dangerous.

    Use emotion to understand not to decide.

    “When you swim with sharks expect to get bitten.”

    Whilst you shouldn’t mix business with pleasure, at least, make doing business a pleasure.

    You need to net the small fishes as well as the big ones to keep your pond healthy.

    Have some business quotes of your your own that you would like to share? Well SHARE THEM!

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  • Matt 1:52 am on May 3, 2010 Permalink | Reply

    Quotes on Attitude

    A Crisis is when people show their True Colours.

    A good soldier does as they’re told.

    “A man without passion is only a latent force, only a possibility, like a stone waiting for the blow from the iron to give forth sparks.” – Henri-Frédéric Amiel (Philosopher)

    “Action and Adventure – It’s good for the blood!”

    Adversity is what you need to face in order to become successful.

    Always try to have a positive outlook on life.

    “Aspire to inspire before you expire.”

    “At least I’m consistent.”

    Be careful what you wish for, you might get it.

    Be generous in all things.

    Be Loyal to your own Clause.

    Be the one who put’s the Writing On The Wall.

    Be ‘Your’ Best but always be prepared to Do Your Worst.

    Being ‘A Star’ or being ‘World Class’ is a state of mind – You define who you are.

    Being realistic is learning to balance your hopes against your fears.

    Believe in Yourself.

    Believe that you will live to fight another day!

    “Blaming everyone else only takes away from you the control over your own life.”

    “Can we make the Final Word a pleasant one please?”

    Celebrate your gains and grieve your losses.

    Charity is overcoming your own selfishness and suspicion by sacrificing and being selfless through understanding.

    “Come on, what are you waiting for?”

    Comedy is Observation.

    Comfort Zone – Some people thrill at being outside theirs. Some people shrink and reinforce theirs. I’d prefer to work at constantly expanding mine.

    Conclude with a plan or, at least, a moral.

    Confidence is entertaining a room full of people.

    “Conquering any difficulty always gives one a secret joy, for it means to push back a boundary-line and adding to one’s liberty.” – Henri-Frédéric Amiel

    Courage could turn what could be a bad memory into a good one.

    Count your blessings, it could be worse.

    Diplomacy is thinking twice before saying nothing.

    Do it all, if you can!

    Do it because you think you can’t.

    Do it for the experience.

    Doing ‘nothing’ is still an option but then you are, at least, aware of where you are.

    Don’t burden people with your problems; inspire them with your solutions.

    Don’t impose but share your views when asked.

    Don’t over analyse situations – It is what it is.

    Don’t put the World on your shoulders, you can’t do it all!

    “Don’t take it all to heart.”

    Doing the right thing should give you piece of mind but doesn’t always.

    Drag yourself out of your own pit.

    “England expects that every man will do his duty” – Battle of Trafalgar – Lord Nelson 1805.

    Even when we think we’ve found our place in the world, we can still feel a little lost every now and again.

    Every day brings choices – you can choose to be a winner or a loser. If you experience each one though then you will appreciate the other – This is Balance.

    Everyone always thinks that they are right and that they are the good guys.

    Everyone’s entitled to an opinion.

    Everyone has a chance.

    Expect nothing, and then you will not be disappointed.

    “Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder” – George Washington (1732-1799)

    Fulfil your childhood dreams – “It’s not about how to achieve your dreams. It’s about how to lead your life. If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you.”- Randy Pausch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

    Generosity is Sacrifice.

    “Happiness is Helping”.

    Have a Method to your Madness.

    Have Fun! – It’s only a game!

    “I believe it incredible good fortune that you are born at all when you consider the cosmic odds. I sincerely wish you stay lucky.” *

    “I believe there is the determination and the will to do it and I believe we will have a good day.” – Mo Mowlam

    I can resist anything except Temptation.

    “I challenge you to make the person next to you smile.” *

    “I don’t believe in the no-win scenario” – Kirk

    If it’s easy then it’s probably not worth having/doing.

    If you can’t give someone help, give them a laugh.

    “If you can’t stem the tide then ride the wave.” *

    If you can’t please everyone, at least, please yourself.

    “If you can’t joke with someone, then how can you trust them?”

    “If you ignore my truths, then you will find your own to follow.”

    “If you want happiness then when the opportunity presents itself try to help, at least, one person a day.” *

    “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion” – The Dalai Lama

    “If you want to be successful, it’s just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing” – You will Ooze Success!

    If you’re a kid – don’t speak to strangers; If you’re a grown up – don’t be afraid to speak to strangers.

    If you’ve got it – use it.

    “If you’ve nothing nice to say about someone, then say nothing.”

    If you set your mind to it then you really can accomplish anything.

    It’s a shame to waste the potential if it’s there.

    “It’s every life form for itself” – The Stainless Steel Rat.

    It’s great to be on top of the world but it’s a long way to the bottom and your Ego can help you go either way.

    It’s natural to want to be happy – So do whatever makes you happy.

    It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice. (This is not a game of who the **** are you! – Eddie Izzard – Death Star Canteen)

    It’s ok to wish people “A Good Day”.

    Keep your feet on the ground and your head out of the clouds – “Great Kid; Don’t get Cocky” – Han Solo

    “Know thyself.” – Socrates (Greek philosopher)

    Know when to Fight; Know when to Accept.

    Know when to Stop!

    Learn to take the Rough with the Smooth.

    Learning to Balance is learning to be Wise.

    “Let’s turn it around.”
    “Life is real! Life is earnest! And the grave is not its goal; Dust thou art, to dust returnest, Was not spoken of the soul.” – Grave in St Nicholas Church in Sutton, Surrey. (A Psalm of Life – see below)
    Like Buddha, have a polite, considerate, respectful and humble attitude.

    Like Buddha, “Meditate, Live purely, and be quiet. Do your work with mastery and like the Moon, come out from behind the clouds and Shine!”

    Make a difference, don’t be indifferent.

    Make the days full of something, in case the end appears as all for nothing.

    “May you work hard having fun and have fun working hard.” *

    More Action; Less Drama.

    Never be ashamed of what you’ve had to do, where you come from and where you live and work now – These things help define who you are.

    “Never tell me the odds!” – Han Solo

    “No man is justified in doing evil on the grounds of expedience” – Theodore Roosevelt

    “No one likes a Smart Ass.”

    “No Risk; No Fun”.

    Nothing can prepare you though for when it happens and how it will affect you.

    Nothing focus’s the mind more than when you have to eat excrement.

    “Now! What have you got for me this time?” – 11th Doctor Who

    Pass someone you know in the street? Pass them a smile or a compliment. Then it’s up to them if they want to pass it on.

    “Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.” – Buddha

    People try to overcome their disabilities before their disabilities overcome them.

    “People won’t have time for you if you are always angry or complaining.” – Stephen Hawkins

    “Play up! Play up! And play the game!” – Henry Newbolt – Vitaï Lampada (see below)

    “Positive Thought is more powerful than Negative Action.” *

    Practice what you preach.

    “Preparation is Everything!” *

    “One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.” – Plato (his Golden Rule) – Student of Socrates.

    “Onwards and Upwards!”

    “Ready? I was born Ready!” – Jack Burton – Big Trouble in Little China

    Respect is the cement in the wall of our society that helps it stand against anything thrown against it.

    Respect your elders and those who have experienced more, they might be younger than you.

    Respond helpfully and compassionately, especially to your own thoughts.

    “Savour our ‘tastes’, for they are the maps of our lives.” *

    “Say what you see” – Straight talking – “What’s the real reason?”

    Scandal; while embarrassing and showing an insight into character, does it really prevent us from doing our jobs? – “It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.” – Abraham Lincoln

    Smile, it relaxes people.

    Smiling is sipping from the fountain of youth.

    Smiling is the first step to being beautiful.

    “So, when a problem first arises, try to remain humble and maintain a sincere attitude and be concerned that the outcome is fair. Of course, others may try to take advantage of you, and if your remaining detached only encourages unjust aggression, adopt a strong stand, This, however, should be done with compassion, and if it is necessary to express your views and take strong countermeasures, do so without anger or ill-intent.” – Tenzin Gyatso; The Fourteenth Dalai Lama

    “Some people think I’m Bonkers; But I just think I’m free; Man, I’m just livin’ my life; There’s nothin’ crazy about me” – Dizzee Rascal.

    Success is coming back after every set back.

    Success is measured in happiness.

    Survive! – Hang in there!

    STOP! Stop, Take inventory, Orientate and Plan.

    Take the moral high ground but don’t sell yourself short.

    The end of one era is the start of another.

    “The grass must bend, when the wind blows across it.” – Confucius

    The only thing stopping you is you …

    The people that influence who we are, are our Parachute Packers – They may never know that what they did was so useful, so if you get the opportunity, thank them. And what you do influences others, so pack their parachutes well for when they need them. – Compilation from Charlie Plumb (Former Navy Fighter Pilot – P.O.W) – see below.

    The person to compare yourself to is in the mirror.

    “The successful will profit from their mistakes and then try again in a different way.”

    There are people though who just don’t want to listen to what you’d like to say.

    There may be times when you are a victim of an injustice – OPQRSTUV – Oh no-It’s not fair, Protect yourself and those with you first, Quick-Call the Police then the Insurance, Recover physically (hopefully), Secure against it re-occurring, Talk about it to those close to you, U didn’t do it-they did!, Victim Support.

    There should be times though when “Sweet Justice” is served.

    “This is going to take Crackerjack Timing. Besides, It’s all in the Reflexes” – Jack Burton

    Throw open those curtains and let in the light!

    Tick off the Good days; Cross off the Bad ones.

    To be grateful for all that you have and for anything anyone is kind enough to give you.

    “To make it fair, everybody has to do their share.”

    Try to be your best but don’t get obsessed.

    Try and play the best with the hand you’ve been dealt.

    Unthinking! – Makes you a hero or an idiot.

    Watching the world go by is fine, but in the meantime; don’t watch your own life go by.

    We all face the same challenge; whatever opportunity and choice present us with.

    We all have “Moments of Madness” or “Lose the Plot” every now and again.

    We all have to go at some point, but not today!

    We all need to be taken down a peg or two every now and again.

    We all nothing, without Love.

    We have to help people less fortunate than ourselves.

    We overcome evil by simply helping to build a better world.

    “We shall carry on, regardless!”

    We’ve all been/felt lost at one time or another in our lives.

    “Weigh your disappointments against all your successful appointments.” *

    “What goes around; comes around.”

    When we are disheartened, disillusioned and fatigued; they say “A Change is as good as a Rest.” to refocus.

    “When you see yourself doing something badly and nobody’s bothering to tell you anymore, that’s a very bad place to be. Your critics are your ones telling you they still love you and care.” – Randy Pausch

    When you’re in younger years you can’t dictate; When you are in your senior years, you must. It’s the only way of getting your own back.

    “Where there’s a will; there’s a way.”

    While it may be comfortable, don’t leave your head in the sand.

    “Yes, I am breaking my own rules here!”

    You’re only as old as the person you feel

    “You’re bullets cannot harm me, my wings are like a shield of steel” – Batfink

    You can only be Yourself; you are Unique!

    You can’t give 100%, 100% of the time.

    You can’t have an answer for everything.

    “You can’t see the Rainbow until you’ve experienced Life’s Sun and Rain.” *

    “You learn something new every day”.

    You may go from strength to strength but be prepared to take one step forward and two steps back.

    You set the standard others may choose to follow.

    You wanna save the World?; You wanna make a difference? – Starting by being helpful and showing a little compassion!

    “You were Fantastic! And you know what? So was I!” – 10th Doctor Who

    Have some attitude quotes of your own? Or any other quotes for that matter? Share them!

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  • Matt 10:09 am on April 27, 2010 Permalink | Reply

    As My Mom Use to Say…

    “Another hurdle over”

    “Be Grateful for small mercies.”

    “Beggars can’t be choosers.”

    “Don’t leave it to the last minute.”

    “Don’t push your Father too far; He’ll turn.”

    “I don’t like to see waste.”

    “It’s all go isn’t it”.

    “It’s always such a rush, isn’t it?”

    “It’s never straightforward is it?”

    “Give me Strength!”

    “Never a true word said in jest”.

    “Never a dull moment”.

    “Much appreciated”.

    “Patience is a virtue”.

    “Pluck up your Courage.”

    “Pride comes before a fall.”

    “Out with the Old and In with the New.”

    “Rules are there for a reason”.

    “Slow but sure”.

    “Start as you mean to go on”.

    “Sometimes you just have to give way.”

    “Take care of the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves.”

    “You’ve got to have a laugh.”

    “You can’t do it/keep it all.”

    “You can’t just Live on Love.”

    “We live and learn” and “That’s a lesson learned”.

    “We all trying, very trying.”

    “Whatever Next?”

    As Dianne says, “Bounce Back!”

    As Dianne says, “Everything happens for a reason.”

    As Dianne says, “You reap what you sow.”

    As Dianne’s Father says, “All good stuff!”

    As Dianne’s Father says, “Every little helps, said the old woman who pee’ed in the sea”

    As Dianne’s Father says, “I can’t tell you how to live your life, you’re big enough now to make your own mistakes but I’ll be here for you if things go wrong.”

    As Dianne’s Father says, “I’m having a Senior Moment.”

    As Dianne’s Mother says, “You don’t get owt for nowt.”

    As Dianne’s Grandma would say, “There’s nowt so queer as folk.”

    As Dianne’s Grandma would say, “Don’t owe the tally man.”

    As Judge Dredd would say, “Everyone’s guilty of something.”

    As my favourite Auntie says, “Be well grounded.”

    As my favourite Auntie says, “Live like a Prince.”

    As my favourite Auntie says, “Trust that the Universe will provide.”

    As my first boss used to say, “I’m going to live to be at least 100.”

    As my French friend Xavier would say, “What a Life, what a Wonderful Life!”

    As my old Irish friend, Pat, would toast, “Happy Days!”

    As Nan would say, “These things are sent to try us”.

    As Nan would say, “Waste not; want not.”

    The last thing my Nan said to me, “You’re a Good Boy! Be a Good Boy!”

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  • Matt 3:41 pm on April 22, 2010 Permalink | Reply

    As My Old Man Used to Say…

    “Action Stations!”

    “All we can do is try”.

    “Another Good Job Done!”

    “Back to the Grind”.

    “Better than a poke in the eye!”

    “Charity begins at home” – Terence (185 BC – 159 BC)

    “Come Along! Come Along!”

    “Fight It!”

    “Harder when there’s none”.

    “I’m Meditating.”

    “It’s the Thought that Counts”.

    “If in doubt, Ask!”

    “Life’s full of struggle, Son, full of blood n guts”.

    “Keep at It!”

    “No rest for the wicked” and I must have been very wicked.

    “Old age is wear and tear”.

    “Perseverance!”

    “Stop when you’ve had a belly full of it.”

    “Take it as it comes”.

    “There’s a trick to learning everything.”

    “There’s always a war on.”

    “War will scare the Living Daylights out of you.”

    “We have to be a little crafty sometimes”.

    “We must fight to the bitter end.”

    “We must have a system.”

    “We must grin and bear it.”

    “We must make the effort.”

    “We need room to manoeuvre.”

    “We shall not be defeated!”

    The last thing my Dad said to us, “Get my coffin ready!”

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  • Matt 3:24 am on January 30, 2010 Permalink | Reply

    The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak. ~Hans Hofmann, Introduction to the Bootstrap, 1993

    To poke a wood fire is more solid enjoyment than almost anything else in the world. ~Charles Dudley Warner

    Eliminate physical clutter. More importantly, eliminate spiritual clutter. ~D.H. Mondfleur

    Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage – to move in the opposite direction. ~E.F. Schumacher (Thanks, Arly!)

    Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. ~Albert Einstein

    Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated. ~Confucius

    Simplicity is making the journey of this life with just baggage enough. ~Author Unknown

    Frugality is one of the most beautiful and joyful words in the English language, and yet one that we are culturally cut off from understanding and enjoying. The consumption society has made us feel that happiness lies in having things, and has failed to teach us the happiness of not having things. ~Elise Boulding

    Everything we possess that is not necessary for life or happiness becomes a burden, and scarcely a day passes that we do not add to it. ~Robert Brault, http://www.robertbrault.com

    The trouble with simple living is that, though it can be joyful, rich, and creative, it isn’t simple. ~Doris Janzen Longacre

    To find the universal elements enough; to find the air and the water exhilarating; to be refreshed by a morning walk or an evening saunter… to be thrilled by the stars at night; to be elated over a bird’s nest or a wildflower in spring – these are some of the rewards of the simple life. ~John Burroughs

    People love chopping wood. In this activity one immediately sees results. ~Albert Einstein

    Maybe a person’s time would be as well spent raising food as raising money to buy food. ~Frank A. Clark

    The best things in life are nearest: Breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you. Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life’s plain, common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life. ~Robert Louis Stevenson

    Material blessings, when they pay beyond the category of need, are weirdly fruitful of headache. ~Philip Wylie

    I like to walk about among the beautiful things that adorn the world; but private wealth I should decline, or any sort of personal possessions, because they would take away my liberty. ~George Santayana, “The Irony of Liberalism”

    Live simply that others might simply live. ~Elizabeth Seaton

    Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials. ~Lin Yutang

    As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness. ~Henry David Thoreau

    Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful. ~William Morris

    Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. ~Leonardo DaVinci

    Anything simple always interests me. ~David Hockney

    Our affluent society contains those of talent and insight who are driven to prefer poverty, to choose it, rather than submit to the desolation of an empty abundance. ~Michael Harrington

    How many things are there which I do not want. ~Socrates

    I go about looking at horses and cattle. They eat grass, make love, work when they have to, bear their young. I am sick with envy of them. ~Sherwood Anderson

    Remember that in giving any reason at all for refusing, you lay some foundation for a future request. ~Arthur Helps, Essays Written in Intervals of Business, 1841

    The true Indian sets no price upon either his property or his labor. His generosity is limited only by his strength and ability. He regards it as an honor to be selected for difficult or dangerous service and would think it shameful to ask for any reward, saying rather: Let the person I serve express his thanks according to his own bringing up and his sense of honor. ~Ohiyesa of the Santee Sioux (Charles Alexander Eastman)

    Who is rich? He who rejoices in his portion. ~The Talmud

    You have succeeded in life when all you really want is only what you really need. ~Vernon Howard

    Since all the riches of this world
    May be gifts from the Devil and earthly kings,
    I should suspect that I worshipp’d the Devil
    If I thank’d my God for worldly things.
    ~William Blake, Gnomic Verses

    Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity! I say, let your affairs be as two or three, and not a hundred or a thousand instead of a million count half a dozen, and keep your accounts on your thumb-nail. ~Henry David Thoreau

    The greatest truths are the simplest: so likewise are the greatest men. ~Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827

    If you cultivate a healthy poverty and simplicity, so that finding a penny will literally make your day, then, since the world is in fact planted in pennies, you have with your poverty bought a lifetime of days. ~Annie Dillard, “Seeing,” Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, 1974

    Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you. ~Lao Tzu

    We don’t need to increase our goods nearly as much as we need to scale down our wants. Not wanting something is as good as possessing it. ~Donald Horban

    Reduce the complexity of life by eliminating the needless wants of life, and the labors of life reduce themselves. ~Edwin Way Teale

    The sculptor produces the beautiful statue by chipping away such parts of the marble block as are not needed – it is a process of elimination. ~Elbert Hubbard

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  • Matt 1:22 pm on November 29, 2009 Permalink | Reply

    The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts.  No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving.  ~H.U. Westermayer

    If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, “thank you,” that would suffice.  ~Meister Eckhart

    Thanksgiving Day is a jewel, to set in the hearts of honest men; but be careful that you do not take the day, and leave out the gratitude.  ~E.P. Powell

    So once in every year we throng
    Upon a day apart,
    To praise the Lord with feast and song
    In thankfulness of heart.
    ~Arthur Guiterman, The First Thanksgiving

    As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.  ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

    Remember God’s bounty in the year.  String the pearls of His favor.  Hide the dark parts, except so far as they are breaking out in light!  Give this one day to thanks, to joy, to gratitude!  ~Henry Ward Beecher

    Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow.  ~Edward Sandford Martin

    Our rural ancestors, with little blest,
    Patient of labour when the end was rest,
    Indulged the day that housed their annual grain,
    With feasts, and off’rings, and a thankful strain.
    ~Alexander Pope

    What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets.  I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?  ~Erma Bombeck, “No One Diets on Thanksgiving,” 26 November 1981

    The thing I’m most thankful for right now is elastic waistbands.  ~Author Unknown

    For, after all, put it as we may to ourselves, we are all of us from birth to death guests at a table which we did not spread.  The sun, the earth, love, friends, our very breath are parts of the banquet…. Shall we think of the day as a chance to come nearer to our Host, and to find out something of Him who has fed us so long?  ~Rebecca Harding Davis

    Gratitude is the sign of noble souls.  ~Aesop

    Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.  ~William Arthur Ward

    May your stuffing be tasty
    May your turkey plump,
    May your potatoes and gravy
    Have nary a lump.
    May your yams be delicious
    And your pies take the prize,
    And may your Thanksgiving dinner
    Stay off your thighs!
    ~Author Unknown

    Gluttony and surfeiting are no proper occasions for thanksgiving.  ~Charles Lamb, 1821

    Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.  ~William Shakespeare

    God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today.  Have you used one to say “thank you?”  ~William A. Ward

    Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.  ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

    Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.  It turns what we have into enough, and more.  It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.  It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.  Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.  ~Melody Beattie

    Thanksgiving-day, I fear,
    If one the solemn truth must touch,
    Is celebrated, not so much
    To thank the Lord for blessing o’er,
    As for the sake of getting more!
    ~Will Carleton

    I love Thanksgiving turkey.  It’s the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.  ~Arnold Schwarzenegger

    For hearts that are kindly, with virtue and peace, and not seeking blindly a hoard to increase; for those who are grieving o’er life’s sordid plan; for souls still believing in heaven and man; for homes that are lowly with love at the board; for things that are holy, I thank thee, O Lord!  ~Walt Mason

    It is delightfully easy to thank God for the grace we ourselves have received, but it requires great grace to thank God always for the grace given to others.  ~James Smith

    When our perils are past, shall our gratitude sleep?  ~George Canning

    Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday.  People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year.  And then discover once a year is way too often.  ~Johnny Carson

    Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.  ~P. J. O’Rourke

    Thanksgiving Day, a function which originated in New England two or three centuries ago when those people recognized that they really had something to be thankful for – annually, not oftener – if they had succeeded in exterminating their neighbors, the Indians, during the previous twelve months instead of getting exterminated by their neighbors, the Indians.  Thanksgiving Day became a habit, for the reason that in the course of time, as the years drifted on, it was perceived that the exterminating had ceased to be mutual and was all on the white man’s side, consequently on the Lord’s side; hence it was proper to thank the Lord for it and extend the usual annual compliments.  ~Mark Twain

    We can always find something to be thankful for, and there may be reasons why we ought to be thankful for even those dispensations which appear dark and frowning.  ~Albert Barnes

    Thanksgiving is nothing if not a glad and reverent lifting of the heart to God in honor and praise for His goodness.  ~Robert Casper Lintner

    Got no check books, got no banks.  Still I’d like to express my thanks – I got the sun in the morning and the moon at night.  ~Irving Berlin

    If you count all your assets, you always show a profit.  ~Robert Quillen

    Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving.  ~W.T. Purkiser

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  • Matt 3:41 pm on October 27, 2009 Permalink | Reply

    Hilarious quotes from the hilarious movie, The Hangover. If you haven’t seen it get, GO RENT IT!

    Stu Quotes From The Hangover

    “Am I missing a tooth?”

    “I look like a nerdy hillbilly!”

    [singing]: “What do tigers dream of when they take their little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebras, or Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit? Don’t you worry your pretty striped head, we’re gonna get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed. And then we’re gonna find our best friend Doug, and then we’re gonna give him a best friend hug. Doug, Doug, oh, Doug, Dougie, Dougie, Doug, Doug! But if he’s been murdered by crystal meth tweakers, well then we’re s–t out of luck.”

    Stu: He was a bartender, and he didn’t even come inside her.
    Phil: And you believe that?
    Stu: Uh yeah, because she’s grossed out by semen!

    “We’re not going to leave a baby in the room. There’s a f—ing tiger in the bathroom.”

    Alan Quotes From The Hangover

    “I’m a steel trap. Whatever happens tonight, I won’t ever ever speak a word of it. Seriously. I don’t care what happens. I don’t care if we kill someone.”

    Stu: “She is wearing my grandmother’s Holocaust ring.”
    Alan: “I didn’t know they gave out rings at the Holocaust.”

    Phil: “Whose baby is that?”
    Alan: “Check its collar or something.”

    Stu: “Everyone says Mike Tyson is such a badass, but I think he’s kind of a sweetheart.”
    Alan: “I think he’s mean.”

    “Next week’s no good for me. The Jonas Brothers are in town. But any week after that, it’s totally fine.”

    “Not at the table, Jose!”

    “Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon.”

    “Counting cards isn’t illegal. It’s frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane… Maybe since 9/11 when everyone got so damn sensitive. Thanks a lot Bin Laden!”

    “It would be so cool if I could breast-feed.”

    “Ha ha! Drivin’ drunk. Classic.”

    Stu: “We’re in a stolen cop car with what is sure to be a missing child in the back. What part of this is cool?”
    Alan: “I think the cop car part’s pretty cool.”

    Stu: “You are literally too stupid to insult.”
    Alan: “Thank you.”

    Phil: “Whose f__king baby is that?”
    Stu: “Alan, are you sure you didn’t see anyone else in the suite?”
    Alan: “Yeah, I checked all the rooms… no one’s there. Check its collar or something.”

    Stu: “Here’s something I would like to remind you two of: our best friend Doug is probably face down in a ditch right now with a meth head butt-f__king his corpse!”
    Alan: “That’s highly unlikely.”

    Alan: [while Doug parks the car] “Did you have to park this close?”
    Doug: “Yeah, why?”
    Alan: “I just… I can’t be here.”
    Doug: “What do you mean?”
    Alan: “I’m not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a church… or a Chuck E. Cheeze.”

    Black Doug: “I always wondered why they were called roofies. Cause you’re more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. They should call em groundies.”
    Alan: “Or rapies.”

    Phil Quotes From The Hangover

    “Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice.”

    “It’s Phil, leave a message. Actually, you know what, don’t text me. It’s gay.”

    Tracy: “We’re getting married in five hours.”
    Phil: “Yeah … that’s not gonna happen.”

    Stu: “Why can’t we remember a godd___ thing from last night?”
    Phil: “Because we obviously had a great f___ing time.”

    Phil: “Would you shut up and drive before these nerds ask me another question. Who’s this?”
    Doug: “It’s Alan. Tracy’s brother.”
    Alan: “I met you like four times.”
    Phil: “Oh, yeah. How you doing, man?”

    Have some hilarious movie quotes of your own? Share them at SubmitYourQuote.com!

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  • Matt 1:04 pm on October 24, 2009 Permalink | Reply

    From quotesfromtheoffice.com here is a great collection of quotes from the crazy Dwight Schrute on the TV Show “The Office” (Seasons 1-4).

    Season 1

    Dwight Schrute Bobblehead

    Pilot:

    Dwight Shrute: Dammit, he put my stapler in Jell-O again!

    Diversity Day:

    Mr. Brown: At Diversity Today, we believe it’s very easy to be a hero. All you need are honesty, empathy, respect, and open-mindedness.
    Dwight Schrute: Ah, excuse me? I’m sorry, but that’s not all it takes to be a hero.
    Mr. Brown: Great, well, what is a hero to you?
    Dwight Schrute: A hero kills people, people that wish him harm. A hero is part human and part supernatural. A hero is born out of a childhood trauma, or out of a disaster, that must be avenged.
    Mr. Brown: Uh, you’re thinking of a superhero.
    Dwight Schrute: We all have a hero in our heart.

    Pam: [during a role-playing exercise] Okay, if I have to do this, based on stereotypes that are totally untrue, that I do not agree with, you would maybe..not be a very good driver.
    Dwight Schrute: [role playing as an Asian] Aw, man! I’m a woman?

    Health Care:

    Dwight [Reading suggestions for health-care coverage: Who thought of this one? Anal fissures.
    Kevin Malone: That's a real thing.
    Dwight Schrute: Yeah, but no one here has it.
    Kevin Malone: [quietly] Someone has it.

    Dwight Schrute: In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, ‘Ow, I hurt my leg. I can’t run. A lion eats me. I’m dead.’ Well, I’m not dead. I’m the lion. You’re dead.

    Dwight Schrute: The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won’t receive the care they need because someone in this office is coming up with ridiculous stuff. Count Choculitis….Why did you write that down, Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?

    Dwight Schrute: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
    Pam: Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?
    Dwight Schrute: So I can lower it.Dwight Schrute Quotes

    Dwight Schrute: OK, first let’s go over some parameters. How many people can I fire?
    Michael Scott: Uh, none. You’re picking a healthcare plan.

    Dwight Schrute: Someone forged medical information, and that’s a felony.
    Jim Halpert: OK, Whoa, alright ’cause that’s a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they’re fake?
    Dwight Schrute: [reading from a sheet] Uh, Leprosy, Flesh Eating Bacteria, Hot Dog Fingers, Government Created Killer Nano Robot Infection.

    The Alliance:

    Dwight Schrute: Did you get your tickets?
    Jim Halpert: To what?
    Dwight Schrute: The gun show. [kisses bicep]

    Back to Top


    Season 2

    The Dundies:

    Michael Scott: I was on a hot date with a girl from HR, Dwight…
    Dwight Schrute: Really? We don’t have any girls in HR.
    Michael Scott: You know for the sake of the story…and things were getting hot and heavy…
    Dwight Schrute: Yeah!
    Michael Scott: And I was about to take her bra off…
    Dwight Schrute: Yeah!
    Michael Scott: And she made me fill out six hours worth of paperwork.
    Dwight Schrute: Like an AIDS test?
    Michael Scott: No. God, Dwight…

    Sexual Harassment:

    Dwight Schrute: What does the female vagina look like?Dwight Schrute Quotes
    Toby: Technically, I am in Human Resources, and Dwight was asking me about human anatomy. Um… I’m just sad the public school system failed him so badly.

    Office Olympics:

    Dwight Schrute: Thank God. It was nice of him to offer, but I live in a 9-bedroom farmhouse. I have my own crossbow range. It’s the perfect situation for me, although two bathrooms would have been nice. We just have the one…and that’s out under the porch.

    Dwight Schrute: A 30-year mortgage at Michael’s age essentially means that he’s buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn’t hear the other dead people.

    Dwight Schrute: Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60-acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin Mose. We sell beets to the local stores and restaurants. It’s a nice little farm…sometimes teenagers use it for sex.

    Dwight Schrute: I have been Michael’s number two guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We’re like one of those classic famous teams. He’s like Mozart and I’m like…Mozart’s friend. No. I’m like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like…Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart? You’re gonna get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy.

    The Fire:

    Dwight Schrute: FIRE! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
    Phyllis: You say that every week.
    Dwight Schrute: DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!
    Oscar: Relax.
    Dwight Schrute: HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A BURN VICTIM!?

    Dwight Schrute: Everyone. OK, I have an announcement. Apparently in business school they don’t teach you how to operate a toaster oven. Because some smart, sexy temp left his cheese pita on “oven” instead of timing it for the toaster thing. [holds up burnt pita and laughs maniacally]

    Halloween:

    Phyllis: [to Dwight in costume] Are you a monk?
    Dwight Schrute: I’m a Sith lord!!

    The Fight:

    Dwight Schrute: [indicating his purple belt] This is not a toy, this is a message to the entire office so that everyone can see I can physically dominate them.

    Kelly: [practicing a karate move Dwight taught her] HI YAH! Hey that was pretty close!
    Dwight Schrute: Good, now let me take you from behind.
    Kelly: WHAT?!

    Michael Scott: Look, Dwight here is a wuss. When we rented “Armageddon”, he cried at the end of it!
    Dwight Schrute: Michael, I told you! It was because it was New Year’s Eve and it started to snow at exactly midnight!
    Michael Scott: [As Dwight crying] “Oh, are they really gonna leave Bruce Willis on the asteroid? Boo-hoo!”

    Dwight Schrute: I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War Two veteran killed twenty men and spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.

    The Client:

    Dwight Schrute: Yes I have acted before. I was in a production of “Oklahoma!” in the 7th grade. I played the part of Mutey the Mailman. They had too many kids so they made up roles like that. I was good.

    Performance Review:

    Dwight Schrute: [sitting on a giant rubber ball] You should get one of these.
    Jim Halpert: No, thank you.
    Dwight Schrute: Do you even know what this is? It is a fitness orb, and it has completely changed my life. Forget everything you thought you knew about ab workouts.
    Jim Halpert: Done.
    Dwight Schrute: This ab workout is specifically designed to strengthen your core. [bumps picture on Jim's desk] Sorry.
    Jim Halpert: It’s all right.
    Dwight Schrute: Numerous health benefits: strengthens your back, better performance at sports, more enjoyable sex.
    Jim Halpert: You’re not having sex.
    Dwight Schrute: [smirks] Plus, improves your reflexes. [knocks over knick-knack on Jim's desk] See, I would have caught that.
    Jim Halpert: Okay, you know what, how much is that?
    Dwight Schrute: It’s only 25 bucks.
    Jim Halpert: Wow. Um, okay. [pops orb with a pair of scissors, causing Dwight to crash to the ground]

    Dwight Schrute: Oh, hey. Listen, Jim. Here’s a little tip for your performance review.
    Jim Halpert: Okay.
    Dwight Schrute: Tell Michael that we should be stocking more of the double-tabbed manila file folders.
    Jim Halpert: We don’t have double-tabbed manila file folders.
    Dwight Schrute: Oh yes we do.
    Jim Halpert: No we don’t.
    Dwight Schrute: Yeah, it’s a new product. So you should just suggest that to him, and then he’ll be sure to give you a raise. [smirks at camera]
    Jim Halpert: All right. [pause] Well, I’m not asking for a raise. I’m going to actually be asking for a pay decrease.
    Dwight Schrute: Uh, that is so stupid. What if he gives it to you?
    Jim Halpert: Then I win.

    Email Surveillance:

    Dwight Schrute: I think one of the greatest things about modern America is the computerization of medical records. As a volunteer sheriff I can look up anyone’s psychiatric records or surgical histories. Yeast infections…there are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we’re downriver from that old bread factory…

    Christmas Party:

    Dwight Schrute: Yankee Swap is like Machiavelli meets Christmas.

    [Kelly kisses Dwight]
    Dwight Schrute: What are you doing?!
    Kelly: I don’t know
    Dwight Schrute: You shouldn’t do things like that. A man is supposed to do that.
    [Angela looks in the distance]

    Booze Cruise:

    Dwight Schrute: ["steering" the ship] Don’t worry Michael, I’m taking us to shore!
    Michael Scott: It’s a fake wheel, dummy!

    [Jim put Dwight's wallet into the vending machine]
    Dwight Schrute: Where’s my wallet?
    Jim Halpert: Oh there it is, ‘J1′.
    Dwight Schrute: I don’t have any…
    Jim Halpert: Here, have some nickels.
    Dwight Schrute: [putting nickels into vending machine] 5, 10, 15, 20, 25…

    Captain Jack: I need a volunteer to come up and hold my stick.
    Dwight Schrute: Me me me!
    Captain Jack: Ah. Usually it’s a woman.
    Dwight Schrute: I’m stronger.

    Dwight Schrute: Seasick? Captain Jack says you should look at the moon.
    Michael Scott: Captain Jack’s a fart face.

    Angela: Hey, come inside and talk to me.
    Dwight Schrute: I can’t! Do you want us to run aground woman!?

    Dwight Schrute: I was the youngest pilot in Pan Am history. When I was four, the pilot let me ride in the cockpit and fly the plane with him. And I was four, and I was great and I would have landed it, but my dad wanted us to go back to our seats.

    Dwight Schrute: [Singing] What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor, Early in the morning?

    The Injury:

    Michael Scott: Please stop popping my cast. Thank you.
    Jim Halpert: So where are you shipping your foot?
    Michael Scott: Ha ha ha, so where are you shipping…
    Dwight Schrute: Your foot.

    Michael Scott: Dwight, what is your middle name?
    Dwight Schrute: Danger.
    Michael Scott: It’s something with a “K”…
    Jim Halpert: It’s Kurt… wow, it’s so sad that I know that.

    Dwight Schrute: Chu chu chu chu.
    Jim Halpert: What are you doing?
    Dwight Schrute: Vietnam sounds.

    The Secret:

    Michael Scott: Dwight! Hey is it me or does this place smell like updog?
    Dwight Schrute: What’s up dog?
    Michael Scott: Gotcha! Hahaha, oh god… crap. Nothin’, how you doing?Dwight Schrute Quotes
    Dwight Schrute: Good, how are you doing?

    Dwight Schrute: Merideth, men’s room. Make sure you replace the urinal cakes, they are worn down.
    Kevin, file drawers… Angela kitchen, Oscar dusting. Where’s Oscar?
    Angela: He’s out sick.
    Dwight Schrute: That’s unacceptable.
    Angela: I agree, it’s unacceptable.
    (Dwight and Angela stare at each other)
    Kevin: What are you guys doing?

    Dwight Schrute: Listen temp. I’m conducting a little investigation. So I am no longer going to be able to head up Spring cleaning. Do you think you can handle it?
    Ryan Howard: Yeah, I think I can handle it.
    Dwight Schrute: Do you think, or do you know?
    Ryan Howard: I think.
    Dwight Schrute: Oh God, here.

    Dwight Schrute: There are several ways to tell if a perp is lying…
    The liar will avoid direct eye contact. The liar will cover part of his or her face with his hand, especially the mouth. The liar will perspire. Unfortunately I spoke to Oscar on the phone so none of this is useful.

    Michael Scott: It’s graaaaaaaaaaapppppe, soda!
    Jim Halpert: Tony the Tiger.
    Michael Scott: Yeah.
    Jim Halpert: You don’t hear that much anymore.
    Michael Scott: Not so much.
    Dwight Schrute: What is going on here?
    Michael Scott: Nothing.
    Dwight Schrute: Oh, really, nothing? Fact: You are drinking grape soda. You never drink grape soda. Fact: You are talking to Jim. You never talk to Jim.
    Michael Scott: Fact: I love grape soda, I always have. Fact: Jim and I talk all the time. We tell each other secrets.
    Dwight Schrute: Ok, so what is the secret Michael?
    Michael Scott: Well I ah…
    Jim Halpert: Umm, I had asked Michael if I could head up the Oscar investigation and he said that only Dwight was capable of handling such sensitive material. (sticks pink post-it note on Dwight)
    Dwight to Michael Scott: Is that true?
    Michael Scott: Umm, I – I don’t know… yeah, yeah… it is.
    Dwight Schrute: Thank you Michael. I know you’re telling the truth.
    Michael Scott: Ok
    Dwight Schrute: I can tell, I won’t let you down.

    Dwight Schrute: As a volunteer Sheriff’s Deputy I’ve been doing surveillance for years. One time I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me, so I tailed her for six nights straight. Turns out.. she was. With a couple of guys, actually… so. Mystery solved.

    Dwight Schrute: Oh man! You are so busted! Ice skates… shopping bags… I think I know what’s going on here. You weren’t sick at all!

    The Carpet:

    Michael Scott: Yeah, Yeah, Yeah… the old bullpen.
    Dwight Schrute: Ha, ha, ha
    Michael Scott: The old bullpen. Don’t hate me.
    Dwight Schrute: Ok
    Michael Scott: This is great.
    Dwight Schrute: Yeah
    Michael Scott: The pressures of my office are insane. I just… you couldn’t understand, but man you guys have it easy out here. You know I used to site right here.
    Dwight Schrute: No way
    Michael Scott: Yeah
    Dwight Schrute: And who had your office?

    Michael (whispering): Dwight.
    Dwight Schrute: Michael.
    Michael Scott: Let’s send up Accounting.
    Dwight Schrute: What?
    Michael Scott: Old fashioned raid, Sales on Accounting.
    Dwight Schrute: Hah, hah, hah.
    Michael Scott: Follow my lead.

    Boys and Girls:

    [Dwight and company are decending into the warehouse for a 'mens-day']
    Dwight Schrute: Remember on Lost when they meet “the Others”?

    Valentine’s Day:

    Pam: Sometimes the gift is really about the gesture, you know, like, what it means, instead of what it is.
    Dwight Schrute: You mean … like a ham?
    Pam: No. Not like a ham.

    Dwight Schrute: Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. Snare it. Then to keep it happy, you have to tame it. Feed it, care for it. Lovingly. The way an animal deserves. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.

    Dwight Schrute: What’s this on my desk?
    Jim Halpert: It’s a box.
    Dwight Schrute: But who left it here…and to what purpose?

    Dwight Schrute: It’s me. I’m the bobblehead!

    Dwight’s Speech:

    Dwight’s Speech: BLOOD ALONE MOVES THE WHEELS OF HISTORY! [pause] Have you ever asked yourselves in an hour of meditation – which everyone finds during the day – how long we have been striving for greatness? [bangs fist] Not only the years we’ve been at war – the war of work – but from the moment as a child, when we realize the world could be conquered. It has been a lifetime struggle [bangs fists again] a never-ending fight, I say to you [bangs again] and you will understand that it is a privilege to fight. WE ARE WARRIORS! [applause] Salesmen of north-eastern Pennsylvania, I ask you once more rise and be worthy of this historical hour. [even bigger applause as Dwight gives a horrible sounding laugh] No revolution is worth anything unless it can defend itself. Some people will tell you salesman is a bad word. They’ll conjure up images of used car dealers, and door to door charlatans. This is our duty to change their perception. I say, salesman – and women – of the world… unite! We must never acquiesce, for it is together… TOGETHER THAT WE PREVAIL. WE MUST NEVER CEDE CONTROL OF THE MOTHERLAND…
    Audience: …FOR IT IS TOGETHER THAT WE PREVAIL!
    [thundrous applause]

    Jim Halpert: Dwight, if you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
    Dwight Schrute: I can travel anywhere, except Cuba, and I will travel to New Zealand and walk the Lord of the Rings trail to Mordor and I will hike Mount Doom.

    Take Your Daughter To Work Day:

    Michael Scott: The kids don’t wanna hear some weirdo book that your Nazi war criminal grandma read to you!
    Sasha: What’s a Nazi?
    Michael Scott: ‘What’s a Nazi?’?
    Dwight Schrute: Nazi was a fascist movement from the 1930′s–
    Michael Scott: No no no! Don’t talk about Nazis in front of– You know what? They’re gonna have nightmares so why don’t you just shut it?
    Dwight Schrute: I was gonna teach the children how to make cornhusk dolls.
    Michael Scott: [sighs] Why don’t you just leave? Okay?
    Dwight Schrute: Okay.
    Jake: Bye Mr. Poop.
    Michael Scott: Alright. There goes Mr. Poop. Now, who likes Dane Cook?

    Michael’s Birthday:

    Dwight Schrute: OK, that is not an eight-foot sub.
    Delivery Boy: Uh, we don’t make an eight-foot sub. This is eight one-foot subs.
    Dwight Schrute: F.

    Dwight Schrute: (After he didn’t tip the sub man) Why tip someone for a job I’m capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.

    Kelly: I can still remember when Princess Diana died. Oh my god, that was the saddest funeral ever! (softer) That, and my sister’s.
    [Dwight and Angela speak in "code" to hide their office romance from Ryan]
    Dwight Schrute: What about that meeting later…to discuss finances?
    Angela: …Yes. (whispered) But don’t expect any cookie.
    Dwight Schrute: (whispered) But what if I’m hungry?
    Angela: (whispered) No cookie!

    Drug Testing:

    Dwight Schrute: OK. I’m going to have to search your car. Give me your keys.
    Ryan Howard: I am not giving you my keys.
    Dwight Schrute: Don’t make me do this the hard way.
    Ryan Howard: What’s the hard way?
    Dwight Schrute: I go down to the police station, on my lunch break. I tell a police officer (I know several) what I suspect you may have in your car. He requests a hearing from a judge and obtains a search warrant. Once he has said warrant, he will drive over here and make you give him the keys to your car, and you will have to obey him.
    Ryan Howard: Yeah, let’s do it that way.

    [Viewing a picture of marijuana]
    Creed: That is “Northern Lights” cannabis indica.
    Dwight Schrute: [sighs]. No, it’s marijuana.

    Jim Halpert: I’m just saying you can’t be sure that it wasn’t you.
    Dwight Schrute: That’s ridiculous. Of course it wasn’t me.
    Jim Halpert: [holds up picture] Marijuana is a memory loss drug. So maybe you just don’t remember.
    Dwight Schrute: I would remember.
    Jim Halpert: How could you, if it just erased your memory?
    Dwight Schrute: That’s not how it works!
    Jim Halpert: Now, how do you know how it works?Dwight Schrute Quotes
    Dwight Schrute: Knock it off! OK, now I am interviewing you!
    Jim Halpert: No, you said that I’d be conducting the interviewing when I walked in here. [raising voice] NOW EXACTLY HOW MUCH POT DID YOU SMOKE?

    [Dwight is dressed in a deputy's uniform]
    Jim Halpert: You look cute today, Dwight.
    Dwight Schrute: Thanks, girl.

    Dwight Schrute: I like the people that I work with, generally. With four exceptions.

    Dwight Schrute: And I did not become a Lackawanna County volunteer sheriff’s deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven’t.

    Dwight Schrute: Do you know what this is?
    [slides a picture of marijuana on the table]
    Phyllis: Yes. It’s marijuana.
    Dwight Schrute: [raising voice] How do you know that?
    Phyllis: It’s labelled.
    Dwight Schrute: [whispering] Damn it.

    Michael Scott: Okay, attention everyone. The drug testing has been cancelled. Instead I will be going around to each of you, and doing a visual inspection.
    Dwight Schrute: No, you can’t do that.
    Michael Scott: I can do that, it’s my office…and…
    Dwight Schrute: [interrupting] No you cannot. It has to be official, and IT HAS TO BE URINE.

    Dwight Schrute: You might remember testing my urine a few years back, when I was applying to be a volunteer sheriff’s deputy.
    Linda: We test a lot of urine.
    Dwight Schrute: Mine was green.
    Linda: [disgusted] Oh, right. How are you?
    Dwight Schrute: All better.

    Michael Scott: So, you are all going to have a drug test. And I am not.
    Dwight Schrute: No, you will be tested.
    Michael Scott: Yes, I will not be.
    Dwight Schrute: No, you will be. That is the law, according to the rules.
    Michael Scott: OK, well, Dwight, just know that I’ve been very busy today, and I’ve got a lot of work to do, and I wasn’t planning on going to the bathroom, and I don’t even know if anything’s going to come out.

    Conflict Resolution:

    Jim Halpert: This came out really well. There you go.
    Dwight Schrute: This is humongous. I am not a security threat. And, my middle name is “Kurt”, not “Fart.”
    Jim Halpert: [squinting to read] What did I write?

    Dwight Schrute: Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffle bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?

    Casino Night:

    [Dwight is wearing a tuxedo]
    Pam: It’s a nice tux.
    Dwight Schrute: I know. It belonged to my grandfather. He was buried in it, so… family heirloom.

    Dwight Schrute: Michael said, ‘We must deceive them, as not to hurt them, and in that way, we honor them.’ Jim Halpert: Ever since I was a little kid, like eight or nine, I could sort of control things with my mind.
    Dwight Schrute: I don’t believe you, continue.

    Back to Top


    Dwight Schrute

    Season 3

    Gay Witch Hunt:

    Dwight Schrute: Jim told me you can buy gaydar online.
    Michael Scott: That’s ridiculous.
    Dwight Schrute: Probably. He didn’t tell the truth a lot.
    Michael Scott: Let’s call him and get the website.
    Dwight Schrute: Definitely.

    Michael Scott: I need to know who else is gay. I don’t want to offend anyone else.
    Dwight Schrute: You could assume everyone is, and not say anything offensive.
    Michael Scott: Yeah. I’m sure everyone would appreciate me treating them like they were gay.

    The Convention:

    Michael Scott: Wow, what are all those stains?
    Dwight Schrute: Blood, urine or semen.
    Michael Scott: Oh, God. I hope it’s urine.

    Dwight Schrute: (referring to Jerome Bettis) Why do they call him “The Bus”?
    Michael Scott: Because he’s afriad to fly.

    The Coup:

    Dwight Schrute: [crying] The Sebring is cool! The Sebring is so cool! Please don’t fire me Michael, I’ll do anything!

    Michael Scott: Hey, I thought you weren’t supposed to eat anything for a couple hours after you’ve had a crown put it?
    Dwight Schrute: …They have this new kind of quick-drying bonding.
    Michael Scott: Oh? sounds like a good dentist.
    Dwight Schrute: Yea…
    Michael Scott: What’s his name?
    Dwight Schrute: (long pause) Crentist.
    Michael Scott: The dentist’s name is crentist?
    Dwight Schrute: Yea.
    Michael Scott: Sounds a lot like dentist.
    Dwight Schrute: Maybe that’s why he became a dentist?

    Dwight Schrute: Ever since Michael dumped Jan for Carol, Jan’s been bitching out on him. Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms.

    Dwight Schrute: I will lead you into the black with ferocity!

    Grief Counseling:

    Dwight Schrute: When I die. I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time, to figure out exactly why I died. And what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.

    Dwight Schrute: (to Angela) If my head ever comes off, I would like you to put it on ice.

    Creed: It’s a real shame about Ed huh.
    Michael Scott: Yeah. It must really have you thinkin.
    Creed: About what?
    Michael Scott: The older you get, the bigger the chances you’re gonna die. You knew that.
    Creed: Ed was decapitated.
    Michael Scott: What?
    Dwight Schrute: Really?
    Creed: He was drunk as a skunk, he was flying down Route 6. He slides under an 18 wheeler. Pop. Snaps right off.
    Michael Scott: Oh my God.
    Dwight Schrute: That is the way to go. Instant death. Very Smart.
    Creed: You know a human can go on living for several hours after being decapitated.
    Dwight Schrute: You’re thinking of a chicken.
    Creed: What did I say?

    Dwight Schrute: And how big do you want this robot?
    Michael Scott: Lifesize.
    Dwight Schrute: Mmm no. Better make it two-thirds. Easier to stop if it turns on us.

    Dwight Schrute: Look. I gave him a 6 foot extension chord so he can’t chase us.
    Michael Scott: That’s perfect.

    Dwight Schrute: When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered, that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.

    Pam: If you wanna do something for the funeral…
    Dwight Schrute: Yes, please.
    Pam: Maybe you could play a song on your recorder.
    Dwight Schrute: Excellent.
    Pam: Do you have it with you?
    Dwight Schrute: Always.

    Dwight Schrute: I’m sorry! I grew up on a farm! We killed a pig whenever we wanted bacon! And when my grandfather died, we reburied him in an old oil drum! (pause) He would have fit if Michael had just given me another minute.

    Initiation:

    Dwight Schrute: What is Michael Scott’s greatest fear?
    Ryan Howard: Loneliness… maybe women.

    Dwight Schrute: Just think, that temp agency could have sent you anywhere!
    Ryan Howard: I think about that all the time.

    Dwight Schrute: Michael always says “K-I-S-S. Keep it simple, stupid.” Great advice. Hurts my feelings every time.

    Dwight Schrute: Just as you have planted your seed into the ground, I will plant my seed into you.
    Ryan Howard: I don’t think you realize what you’re saying.

    Dwight Schrute: Why did Robert Mifflin commit suicide?!
    Ryan Howard: He had depression.
    Dwight Schrute: No! He hated himself! What… is the DHARMA Initiative?!

    Dwight Schrute: Will Ryan become a loser, slacker like Jim or will he join the Dwight Army of Champions?

    Diwali:

    Pam: I just feel kind of tired, you know?
    Dwight Schrute:
    Maybe you’ve got mono.
    Pam
    : Maybe.

    Dwight Schrute: Diwali is a celebration of the coronation of the God-king Rama, after his epic battle with Ravina, the demon-king of Lanka. It symbolizes the battle between good and evil.
    Michael Scott: All right, all right. This isn’t Lord of the Rings.

    Dwight Schrute: [interrupting Michael talking about M. Night Shamaylan] I see dead people.
    Michael Scott: Okay! Spoiler alert!
    Dwight Schrute:
    He was dead the whole time.
    Michael Scott:
    Just stop it!

    Branch Closing:

    Dwight Schrute: When you become close with someone, you develop a kind of sixth sense. You can read their moods like a book. And right now, the title of Michael’s book is.. “Something Weird Is Going On…colon…What Did Jan Say? The Michael Scott Story…by Michael Scott. With Dwight Schrute.”

    The Merger:

    Dwight Schrute: What was your mile time?
    Toby: About seven.
    Dwight Schrute: I could beat that on a skateboard.
    Toby: Well, that has wheels.
    Dwight Schrute: Yeah, well, my feet don’t. And I could still crush that time.

    Dwight Schrute: The Japanese camp guards of World War Two always chose one man to kill whenever a batch of new prisoners arrived. I always wondered how they chose the man who was to die. I think I would have been good at choosing the person.

    Dwight Schrute: Hello. I don’t believe we’ve been introduced. Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager.
    Andy: Andy Bernard, Regional Director in charge of sales.
    Dwight Schrute: So you’ll be reporting to me then.
    Andy: On the contrary.
    Dwight Schrute: My title has “manager” in it.
    Andy: And I’m a director. Which on a film set, is the highest title there is. Do you know anything about film?
    Dwight Schrute: I know everything about film. I’ve seen over 240 of them.
    Andy: Congratulations.

    The Convict:

    Dwight Schrute: I am greatly concerned about having a convict in the office. And I do not care if that convict is white, black, Asian, German, or some kind of halfsy. I do not like criminals.

    A Benihana Christmas:

    Dwight Schrute: [bringing in a dead goose] I accidentally ran over it. It’s a Christmas miracle!

    Dwight Schrute: He was already dead, and we Schrutes use every part of the goose. The meat has a delicious smoky rich flavor. Plus, you can use the molten goose grease and save it in the refrigerator, thus saving you a trip to the store for a can of expensive goose grease.
    Jim Halpert: Wow. Win-win.
    Dwight Schrute: Exactly, thank you, Jim.
    Phyllis: I like goose. If it’s already dead, is it so crazy if we eat it?
    Creed: That’s crazy. It’s crazy.

    Dwight Schrute: Pam and Karen! I am ordering you to cease and desist all party planning immediately.
    Pam: You can’t do that.
    Dwight Schrute: As ranking number 3 in this office, I am ordering you to-
    Andy: Ummm, I’m number 3.
    Dwight Schrute: You’re number 4.
    Andy: Yeah, but I’m number 3.
    Dwight Schrute: Uh, no. You must turn over to me all Christmas decorations and party paraphernalia immediately. They will be returned to you on January 4th.
    Jim Halpert: Okay, I think I can help here.
    Dwight Schrute: Okay good, they…
    Jim Halpert: As ranking number 2, I am starting a committee to determine the validity of the two committees and I am the sole member of the committee. We’ll act on this now.
    Dwight Schrute: Okay, this is stupid.
    Jim Halpert: Can you please keep it down? I’m in session. [thinks] I’ve determined this committee is valid.
    Dwight Schrute: No, no, no. Wait. Permission to join the Validity Committee?
    Jim Halpert: [thinks about it] Permission denied.
    Dwight Schrute: Dammit!

    Back From Vacation:Dwight Schrute Quotes

    Michael Scott: I have a special assignment for you.
    Dwight Schrute: Who’s the target?
    Michael Scott: A sensitive e-mail has been released to the office. It contains a file, a picture, the filename is jamaica-jan-sun-princess.
    Dwight Schrute: What’s it of?
    Michael Scott: Not important.
    Dwight Schrute: I’m not sure, you need to tell me everything or I cannot accept this assignment.
    Michael Scott: Ok. Forget it.
    Dwight Schrute: Ok, I accept it.

    Pam [crying by herself}
    Dwight Schrute [enters hallway]: Who did this to you? Where is he?
    Pam: What, no it’s nothing.
    Dwight Schrute [takes off jacket, ties it around his waste]: It’s hot in here.
    Pam: Yeah.
    Dwight Schrute: Yeah. [give Pam handkerchief]
    Pam: Thanks, you don’t need to stay here.
    Dwight Schrute: I know. [puts arm around Pam]
    Pam [continues crying]
    Dwight Schrute: So you’re PMS’ing pretty bad, huh?
    Pam [cries more]

    Have some Office quotes of your own that you would like to share?! Well then share them at SubmitYourQuote.com!

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  • Matt 6:23 pm on October 23, 2009 Permalink | Reply

    Kick back and enjoy some of the editor’s favorite quotes! And if they’re from our editors, then you know their good!

    “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”   -Helen Keller

    “Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within. It is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves.”   -Helen Keller

    “Fear God, and your enemies will fear you.”   -Benjamin Franklin

    “Employ thy time well, if thou meanest to get leisure.”   -Benjamin Franklin

    “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards.”   -Benjamin Franklin

    “We have the best Congress that money can buy.”   -Will Rogers

    “Those who do not feel pain seldom think that it is felt.”   -Dr. Samuel Johnson

    “If the facts don’t fit the theory, change the facts.”   -Albert Einstein

    “As far as I’m concerned, I prefer silent vice to ostentatious virtue.”   -Albert Einstein

    “No one gossips about other people’s secret virtues.”   -Bertrand Russell

    “The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.”   -G.K. Chesterton

    “Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.”   -H. L. Mencken

    “It is hard to tell if a man is telling the truth when you know you would lie if you were in his place.”   -H. L. Mencken

    “Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation.”   -Henry Ward Beecher

    “To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.” Josh Billings

    “There’s a great power in words, if you don’t hitch too many of them together.”   -Josh Billings

    “Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.”   -Jim Rohn

    “We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment.”   -Jim Rohn

    “More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.”   -Woody Allen

    “A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.”   -Winston Churchill

    “We shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and the oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.”   -Winston Churchill

    “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”   -Abraham Lincoln

    “To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intellingent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one’s self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived – this is to have succeeded.”   -Ralph Waldo Emerson

    “Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.”   -Elbert Hubbard

    “Be not too hasty to trust or admire the teachers of morality; they discourse like angels, but they live like men.”   -Dr. Samuel Johnson

    “Would you live with ease, do what you ought, and not what you please.”   -Benjamin Franklin

    “If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.”  -I John 4:20

    “The million little things that drop into your hands, the small opportunities each day brings, He leaves us free to use or abuse, and goes unchanging along His silent way.”   -Helen Keller

    “Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul.”   -Henry Ward Beecher

    “When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”   -Alexander Graham Bell

    “I’d rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I’d rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.”   -Milton Berle

    “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.”   -Proverbs 29:11

    “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.”   -Mark Twain

    “When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?”   -G K Chesterton

    “The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”   -Ralph Waldo Emerson

    “I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies, for the hardest victory is over self.”   -Aristotle

    “If you do not wish to be prone to anger, do not feed the habit; give it nothing which may tend to its increase.”   -Epictetus

    “If you would be loved, love and be lovable.”   -Benjamin Franklin

    “Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing, Only a signal shown, and a distant voice in the darkness; So on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another, Only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence.”   -Henry Wordsworth Longfellow

    “The whole conviction of my life now rests upon the belief that loneliness, far from being a rare and curious phenomenon, peculiar to myself and to a few other solitary men, is the central and inevitable fact of human existence.”   -Thomas Wolfe

    “Fun is a good thing but only when it spoils nothing better.”   -George Santayana

    “A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor’s book.”   -Irish Proverb

    “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”   -Winston Churchill

    “Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship – never.”   -Albert Camus

    “I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.”   -Woody Allen

    “An inexhaustible good nature is one of the most precious gifts of heaven, spreading itself like oil over the troubled sea of thought, and keeping the mind smooth and equable in the roughest weather.”   -Washington Irving

    “My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.”   -Jimmy Durante

    These are only some of the amazing quotes we from SubmitYourQuote really enjoy. People are submitting quotes of their own and of others they really enjoy everyday at SubmitYourQuote.com. Want to share your quote with the world? We want you to! So click here!

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  • Matt 11:53 am on October 22, 2009 Permalink | Reply

    Here is a great collection of quotes that various patients have had from their doctors. Some of them are funny and some of them just show a scary lack of understanding and information.

    Comments confusing withdrawal and underlying diseases.

    “The drugs are out of your system so this is the underlying anxiety and depression you’re feeling right now”

    “There is no way this is drug withdrawal. The drugs are out of your system. After a month, the underlying diseases show up”

    The Insulin Comment.

    “It’s like insulin for diabetes – some people need these drugs to function”

    Comments confusing addiction, dependency with the need to take benzodiazepines to function

    “you’re confusing addiction with just needing the drugs. There’s nothing wrong with needing them to function”

    “Often only when you come off the drugs do people realize how much they really needed them”

    “It’s not an opinion, it’s a fact – you were working and doing well while on the medications – now you’re not working – you need them to function – nothing wrong with that…”

    “so what if you’re ‘dependent’ on the drugs or you can’t stop them quickly. If you were living a normal life, just deal with the side effects. They’re not THAT bad and you’re not functioning right now…”

    “It’s not physical dependence if you need the drugs”

    Comments that underrate the difficulty of withdrawing from Benzodiazepines

    “I’ve seen people go through true drug withdrawal and this isn’t what is going on”

    “Getting off the last .25mg of K is just psychological – just do it, you will be fine”

    “This isn’t acute withdrawal – just go out and have some fun and you will get better”

    Patient “Doctor you must have know that taking me off 3.5mg of K in three weeks was going to make me very ill”

    Doctor “I just kind of hoped it wouldn’t”

    “You are being oversensitive to these symptoms – just get on with your life and everything will feel better”

    “The tranquilizers haven’t done this to you, all you need to do is go out and buy a new red sports car and you will be fine!”

    Therapist ” You need to accept that your withdrawal symptoms are 100% psychological or you will get nowhere.” Patient “Benzo withdrawal is mostly a physical phenomenon.” Therapist “You are hopelessly in denial and no amount of therapy will help you.”

    Comments that were just wrong

    Patient “Is K addictive?”

    Doctor “Not if you are not taking it for anxiety – you will have no trouble getting off it if you need to.” [v]

    “You can go off today (cold turkey). However, I think that a good amount of your nausea and lightheadedness is stress-related, and not entirely attributed to Klonopin withdrawal. Some people have mild withdrawal symptoms for a few weeks” [vi]

    “Oh yeah, also no answers from my doctor on the extreme muscle pain I am having in my legs from this withdrawal except, “Its your varicose veins :) ” Whatever! Morons I tell ya, none of them have a clue.”

    Comments about the length of the withdrawal syndrome.

    “Most people get better after two months — I’m not sure why it’s taking you so long.”

    “This is not withdrawal it is out of your system after 30 days”

    “Withdrawal only occurs to people that have taken high doses for a long time”

    Comments from those who just want to add more drugs

    “We need to approach this taper from a place of strength — have you tried Effexor?”

    “I think this is not just withdrawal from the klonopin, but a cycle of anxiety/stress that requires Lexapro to be broken.”

    “Trust me, if you will just take Paxil as I tell you, you will be fine.”

    Others Comments

    “I’m going to have to write ‘medications advised – patient refuses’ for legal and moral reasons”

    “Wow, you’re having the worst withdrawal of anyone I’ve ever seen.”

    “Trust me, I’m a doctor.”

    “Don’t worry you don’t have an addicting type of personality”

    And the best: “Huh.”

    Do you have something funny your doctor has said? Or something they just should not have said in the first place? Share it wish us!

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    • seo company 10:43 pm on January 23, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Some great infomation here keep up the good work. I cannot really leave a more constructive comment as i

  • Matt 3:06 pm on October 21, 2009 Permalink | Reply

    “We the unwilling, working for the ungrateful, are doing the impossible. We have done so much, for so long, with so little, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.” –Unknown

    “You spend your whole life believing that you’re on the right track, only to discover that you’re on the wrong train.” –Unknown

    “I know they say love is blind, but does it also have to be deaf, dumb, and stupid? –Unknown

    “Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they ticked me off.” –Unknown

    “Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.”– Erica Jong

    “The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations.” — David Friedman

    “He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.” –Unknown

    “Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.” — Lily Tomlin

    “Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.” — George Burns

    “Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.” — George Bernard Shaw

    “The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshiped anything but himself.” — Sir Richard F. Burton

    “I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs.” — Samuel Goldwyn

    “Crime does not pay… as well as politics.” — Alfred E. Newman

    “Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?” — La Rochefoucauld

    “Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” — Jonathan Swift

    “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” — Bob Hope

    “I know Kung Fu, Karate, and 47 other dangerous words.” — Jo Ramos

    “Don’t cry because its over, smile because it happened.” –Unknown

    Have some quotes that you did come up with? Or that you just want to share with the world?? Share them at SubmitYourQuote.com for the whole world to see and enjoy!

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  • Matt 9:52 pm on October 13, 2009 Permalink | Reply

    Sit back, stare at your computer for a bit, and enjoy some great computer quotes!

    A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
    Emo Philips

    Bill Gates is the pope of the personal computer industry. He decides who’s going to build.
    Larry Ellison

    Computer science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.
    Edsger Dijkstra

    Computers are magnificent tools for the realization of our dreams, but no machine can replace the human spark of spirit, compassion, love, and understanding.
    Louis Gerstner

    Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
    Pablo Picasso

    Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.
    Andy Rooney

    Computing is not about computers any more. It is about living.
    Nicholas Negroponte

    Data is not information, information is not knowledge, knowledge is not understanding, understanding is not wisdom.
    Clifford Stoll

    Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
    Doug Larson

    I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
    Dave Barry

    I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
    Isaac Asimov

    I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We’ve created life in our own image.
    Stephen Hawking

    I think it’s fair to say that personal computers have become the most empowering tool we’ve ever created. They’re tools of communication, they’re tools of creativity, and they can be shaped by their user.
    Bill Gates

    Never trust a computer you can’t throw out a window.
    Steve Wozniak

    Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest.
    Isaac Asimov

    People think computers will keep them from making mistakes. They’re wrong. With computers you make mistakes faster.
    Adam Osborne

    Supercomputers will achieve one human brain capacity by 2010, and personal computers will do so by about 2020.
    Ray Kurzweil

    The computer is a moron.
    Peter Drucker

    The digital revolution is far more significant than the invention of writing or even of printing.
    Douglas Engelbart

    The good news about computers is that they do what you tell them to do. The bad news is that they do what you tell them to do.
    Ted Nelson

    The Internet is not just one thing, it’s a collection of things – of numerous communications networks that all speak the same digital language.
    Jim Clark

    The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers.
    Sydney J. Harris

    Think? Why think! We have computers to do that for us.
    Jean Rostand

    To err is human – and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
    Robert Orben

    Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don’t let anybody else use it, and get a new one every six months.
    Clifford Stoll

    What do we want our kids to do? Sweep up around Japanese computers?
    Walter F. Mondale

    Why is it drug addicts and computer afficionados are both called users?
    Clifford Stoll

    Have some computer quotes of your own? Share them!

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  • Matt 1:55 pm on October 3, 2009 Permalink | Reply

    From Topicsites.com here is a list of quotes from one of America’s finest Presidents: Abraham Lincoln.

    “Every man is said to have his peculiar ambition. Whether it be true or not, I can say for one that I have no other so great as that of being truly esteemed of my fellow men, by rendering myself worthy of their esteem. How far I shall succeed in gratifying this ambition, is yet to be developed.”
    – March 9, 1832 – First Political Announcement

    “Upon the subject of education, not presuming to dictate any plan or system respecting it, I can only say that I view it as the most important subject which we as a people can be engaged in.”
    – March 9, 1832 – First Political Announcement

    “Towering genius distains a beaten path. It seeks regions hitherto unexplored.”
    – January 27, 1838 – Address Before the Young Men’s Lyceum of Springfield, Illinois

    “There is no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law.”
    – January 27, 1838 – Address Before the Young Men’s Lyceum of Springfield, Illinois

    “Let every American, every lover of liberty, every well wisher to his posterity, swear by the blood of the Revolution, never to violate in the least particular, the laws of the country; and never to tolerate their violation by others.”
    – January 27, 1838 – Address Before the Young Men’s Lyceum of Springfield, Illinois

    “Let reverence for the laws, be breathed by every American mother, to the lisping babe, that prattles on her lap — let it be taught in schools, in seminaries, and in colleges; let it be written in Primers, spelling books, and in Almanacs; — let it be preached from the pulpit, proclaimed in legislative halls, and enforced in courts of justice. And, in short, let it become the political religion of the nation; and let the old and the young, the rich and the poor, the grave and the gay, of all sexes and tongues, and colors and conditions, sacrifice unceasingly upon its altars.”
    – January 27, 1838 – Address Before the Young Men’s Lyceum of Springfield, Illinois

    “At what point shall we expect the approach of danger? By what means shall we fortify against it? Shall we expect some transatlantic military giant, to step the Ocean, and crush us at a blow? Never! All the armies of Europe, Asia and Africa combined, with all the treasure of the earth (our own excepted) in their military chest; with a Buonaparte for a commander, could not by force, take a drink from the Ohio, or make a track on the Blue Ridge, in a trial of a thousand years. At what point, then, is the approach of danger to be expected? I answer, if it ever reach us it must spring up amongst us. It cannot come from abroad. If destruction be our lot, we must ourselves be its author and finisher. As a nation of freemen, we must live through all time, or die by suicide.
    – January 27, 1838 – Address Before the Young Men’s Lyceum of Springfield, Illinois

    “The probability that we may fall in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just; it shall not deter me.” ”
    – December 26, 1839 – Speech on the Sub-Treasury in the Illinois House of Representatives

    “When the conduct of men is designed to be influenced, persuasion, kind, unassuming persuasion, should ever be adopted. It is an old and a true maxim, that a ‘drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.’”
    – February 22, 1842 – Temperance Address of Springfield, Illinois

    “Passion has helped us; but can do so no more. It will in future be our enemy. Reason, cold, calculating, unimpassioned reason, must furnish all the materials for our future support and defense.”
    – February 22, 1842 – Temperance Address of Springfield, Illinois

    “Happy day, when, all appetites controlled, all poisons subdued, all matter subjected, mind, all conquering mind, shall live and move the monarch of the world. Glorious consummation! Hail fall of Fury! Reign of Reason, all hail!”
    – February 22, 1842 – Temperance Address of Springfield, Illinois

    The demon of intemperance ever seems to have delighted in sucking the blood of genius and of generosity.
    – February 22, 1842 – Temperance Address of Springfield, Illinois

    “That I am not a member of any Christian Church, is true; but I have never denied the truth of the Scriptures; and I have never spoken with intentional disrespect of religion in general, or any denomination of Christians in particular.”
    – July 31, 1846 – Handbill Replying to Charges of Infidelity

    “I do not think I could myself, be brought to support a man for office, whom I knew to be an open enemy of, and scoffer at, religion.”
    – July 31, 1846 – Handbill Replying to Charges of Infidelity

    “I believe it is an established maxim in morals that he who makes an assertion without knowing whether it is true or false, is guilty of falsehood; and the accidental truth of the assertion, does not justify or excuse him.”
    – August 11, 1846 – Letter to Allen N. Ford

    “If as the friends of colonization hope, the present and coming generations of our countrymen shall by any means, succeed in freeing our land from the dangerous presence of slavery; and, at the same time, in restoring a captive people to their long-lost father-land, with bright prospects for the future; and this too, so gradually, that neither races nor individuals shall have suffered by the change, it will indeed be a glorious consummation.”
    – July 6, 1852 – Eulogy on Henry Clay

    “Mr. Clay’s lack of a more perfect early education, however it may be regretted generally, teaches at least one profitable lesson; it teaches that in this country, one can scarcely be so poor, but that, if he will, he can acquire sufficient education to get through the world respectably.”
    – July 6, 1852 – Eulogy on Henry Clay

    “The Autocrat of all the Russias will resign his crown, and proclaim his subjects free republicans sooner than will our American masters voluntarily give up their slaves.”
    – August 15, 1855 – Letter to George Robertson

    “You know I dislike slavery; and you fully admit the abstract wrong of it.”
    – August 24, 1855 – Letter to Joshua Speed

    “The slave-breeders and slave-traders, are a small, odious and detested class, among you; and yet in politics, they dictate the course of all of you, and are as completely your masters, as you are the master of your own negroes.”
    – August 24, 1855 – Letter to Joshua Speed

    “When it comes to this I should prefer emigrating to some country where they make no pretence of loving liberty — to Russia, for instance, where despotism can be taken pure, and without the base alloy of hypocracy [sic].”
    – August 24, 1855 – Letter to Joshua Speed

    “I am not a Know-Nothing. That is certain. How could I be? How can any one who abhors the oppression of negroes, be in favor of degrading classes of white people? Our progress in degeneracy appears to me to be pretty rapid. As a nation, we began by declaring that “all men are created equal.” We now practically read it “all men are created equal, except Negroes.” When the Know-Nothings get control, it will read “all men are created equal, except Negroes and foreigners and Catholics.” When it comes to this, I shall prefer emigrating to some country where they make no pretense of loving liberty – to Russia, for instance, where despotism can be taken pure and without the base alloy of hypocrisy.”
    – August 24, 1855 – Letter to Joshua Speed

    “If you are resolutely determined to make a lawyer of yourself, the thing is more than half done already.”
    – November 5, 1855 – Letter to Isham Reavis

    “I believe this Government cannot endure, permanently half slave and half free.”
    – June 16, 1858 – House Divided Speech in Springfield, Illinois

    “I do not expect the Union to be dissolved — I do not expect the house to fall — but I do expect it will cease to be divided.”
    – June 16, 1858 – House Divided Speech in Springfield, Illinois

    “A house divided against itself cannot stand. I believe this government cannot endure permanently half-slave and half-free. I do not expect the Union to be dissolved – I do not expect the house to fall – but I do expect it will cease to be divided. It will become all one thing or all the other.”
    – June 16, 1858 – House Divided Speech in Springfield, Illinois

    “I leave you, hoping that the lamp of liberty will burn in your bosoms until there shall no longer be a doubt that all men are created free and equal.”
    – July 10, 1858 – Speech at Chicago, Illinois

    “Public sentiment is everything. With public sentiment, nothing can fail; without it nothing can succeed.”
    – August 21, 1858 – Lincoln-Douglas debate at Ottawa

    “I will say then that I am not, nor ever have been in favor of bringing about in anyway the social and political equality of the white and black races – that I am not nor ever have been in favor of making voters or jurors of negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people; and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between the white and black races which I believe will forever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and inferior, and I as much as any other man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race. I say upon this occasion I do not perceive that because the white man is to have the superior position the negro should be denied everything.”
    – September 18, 1858 – Fourth Debate with Stephen A. Douglas at Charleston, Illinois

    “This is a world of compensations; and he who would be no slave, must consent to have no slave.”
    – April 6, 1859 – Letter to Henry Pierce

    “Those who deny freedom to others, deserve it not for themselves; and, under a just God, can not long retain it.”
    – April 6, 1859 – Letter to Henry Pierce

    “Every blade of grass is a study; and to produce two, where there was but one, is both a profit and a pleasure.”
    – September 30, 1859 – Address before the Wisconsin State Agricultural Society

    “This leads to the further reflection, that no other human occupation opens so wide a field for the profitable and agreeable combination of labor with cultivated thought, as agriculture. I know of nothing so pleasant to the mind, as the discovery of anything which is at once new and valuable — nothing which so lightens and sweetens toil, as the hopeful pursuit of such discovery. And how vast, and how varied a field is agriculture, for such discovery. The mind, already trained to thought, in the country school, or higher school, cannot fail to find there an exhaustless source of profitable enjoyment.”
    – September 30, 1859 – Address before the Wisconsin State Agricultural Society

    “A capacity, and taste, for reading, gives access to whatever has already been discovered by others. It is the key, or one of the keys, to the already solved problems. And not only so. It gives a relish, and facility, for successfully pursuing the [yet] unsolved ones.”
    – September 30, 1859 – Address before the Wisconsin State Agricultural Society

    “The old general rule was that educated people did not perform manual labor. They managed to eat their bread, leaving the toil of producing it to the uneducated. This was not an insupportable evil to the working bees, so long as the class of drones remained very small. But now, especially in these free States, nearly all are educated–quite too nearly all, to leave the labor of the uneducated, in any wise adequate to the support of the whole. It follows from this that henceforth educated people must labor. Otherwise, education itself would become a positive and intolerable evil. No country can sustain, in idleness, more than a small percentage of its numbers. The great majority must labor at something productive.”
    – September 30, 1859 – Address before the Wisconsin State Agricultural Society

    “Every man is proud of what he does well; and no man is proud of what he does not do well. With the former, his heart is in his work; and he will do twice as much of it with less fatigue. The latter performs a little imperfectly, looks at it in disgust, turns from it, and imagines himself exceedingly tired. The little he has done, comes to nothing, for want of finishing.”
    – September 30, 1859 – Address before the Wisconsin State Agricultural Society

    “By the ‘mud-sill’ theory it is assumed that labor and education are incompatible; and any practical combination of them impossible. According to that theory, a blind horse upon a tread-mill, is a perfect illustration of what a laborer should be — all the better for being blind, that he could not tread out of place, or kick understandingly. According to that theory, the education of laborers, is not only useless, but pernicious, and dangerous. In fact, it is, in some sort, deemed a misfortune that laborers should have heads at all.”
    – September 30, 1859 – Address before the Wisconsin State Agricultural Society

    “It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: ‘And this, too, shall pass away.’ How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction!”
    – September 30, 1859 – Address before the Wisconsin State Agricultural Society

    “Then came the Black-Hawk war; and I was elected a Captain of Volunteers — a success which gave me more pleasure than any I have had since.”
    – December 20, 1859 – Autobiography

    “If any personal description of me is thought desirable, it may be said, I am, in height, six feet, four inches, nearly; lean in flesh, weighing on an average one hundred and eighty pounds; dark complexion, with coarse black hair, and grey eyes — no other marks or brands recollected.”
    – December 20, 1859 – Autobiography

    “Let us have faith that right makes might, and in that faith, let us, to the end, dare to do our duty as we understand it.”
    – February 27, 1860 – Cooper Union Address

    “What is conservatism? Is it not adherence to the old and tried, against the new and untried?”
    – February 27, 1860 – Cooper Union Address

    “John Brown’s effort was peculiar. It was not a slave insurrection. It was an attempt by white men to get up a revolt among slaves, in which the slaves refused to participate.”
    – February 27, 1860 – Cooper Union Address

    “Neither let us be slandered from our duty by false accusations against us, nor frightened from it by menaces of destruction to the Government nor of dungeons to ourselves. LET US HAVE FAITH THAT RIGHT MAKES MIGHT, AND IN THAT FAITH, LET US, TO THE END, DARE TO DO OUR DUTY AS WE UNDERSTAND IT.”
    – February 27, 1860 – Cooper Union Address

    “I know not how to aid you, save in the assurance of one of mature age, and much severe experience, that you can not fail, if you resolutely determine, that you will not.”
    – July 22, 1860 – Letter to George Latham

    “To His care commending you, as I hope in your prayers you will commend me, I bid you an affectionate farewell.”
    – February 11, 1861 – Farewell Address at the Great Western Depot in Springfield, Illinois

    “My friends, no one, not in my situation, can appreciate my feeling of sadness at this parting. To this place, and the kindness of these people, I owe everything. Here I have lived a quarter of a century, and have passed from a young to an old man. Here my children have been born, and one is buried. I now leave, not knowing when, or whether ever, I may return, with a task before me greater than that which rested upon Washington. Without the assistance of the Divine Being who ever attended him, I cannot succeed. With that assistance I cannot fail. Trusting in Him who can go with me, and remain with you, and be everywhere for good, let us confidently hope that all will yet be well. To His care commending you, as I hope in your prayers you will commend me, I bid you an affectionate farewell.”
    – February 11, 1861 – Farewell Address at the Great Western Depot in Springfield, Illinois

    “I am rather inclined to silence, and whether that be wise or not, it is at least more unusual nowadays to find a man who can hold his tongue than to find one who cannot.”
    – February 14, 1861 -  Remarks at the Monogahela House

    “If all do not join now to save the good old ship of the Union this voyage nobody will have a chance to pilot her on another voyage.”
    – February 15, 1861 – Speech at Cleveland, Ohio

    “I have stepped out upon this platform that I may see you and that you may see me, and in the arrangement I have the best of the bargain.”
    – February 16, 1861 – Remarks at Painesville, Ohio

    “The man does not live who is more devoted to peace than I am. None who would do more to preserve it.”
    – February 21, 1861 – Address to the New Jersey General Assembly

    “I have never had a feeling politically that did not spring from the sentiments embodied in the Declaration of Independence.”
    – February 22, 1861 – Address in Independence Hall

    “One section of our country believes slavery is right, and ought to be extended, while the other believes it is wrong, and ought not to be extended.”
    – March 4, 1861 – Lincoln’s First Inaugural Address

    “I hold, that in contemplation of universal law, and of the Constitution, the Union of these States is perpetual.”
    – March 4, 1861 – Lincoln’s First Inaugural Address

    “I therefore consider that in view of the Constitution and the laws, the Union is unbroken; and to the extent of my ability I shall take care, as the Constitution itself expressly enjoins upon me, that the laws of the Union be faithfully executed in all the States.”
    – March 4, 1861 – Lincoln’s First Inaugural Address

    “The Union is much older than the Constitution. It was formed in fact, by the Articles of Association in 1774. It was matured and continued by the Declaration of Independence in 1776.”
    – March 4, 1861 – Lincoln’s First Inaugural Address

    “The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battle-field, and patriot grave, to every living heart and hearth-stone, all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.”
    – March 4, 1861 – Lincoln’s First Inaugural Address

    “Plainly, the central idea of secession, is the essence of anarchy.”
    – March 4, 1861 – Lincoln’s First Inaugural Address

    “In your hands, my dissatisfied fellow-countrymen, and not in mine, is the momentous issue of civil war. The Government will not assail you. You can have no conflict without being yourselves the aggressors. You have no oath registered in heaven to destroy the Government, while I shall have the most solemn one to ‘preserve, protect, and defend it’.”
    – March 4, 1861 – Lincoln’s First Inaugural Address

    “We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.”
    – March 4, 1861 – Lincoln’s First Inaugural Address

    “Labor is prior to, and independent of, capital. Capital is only the fruit of labor, and could never have existed if labor had not first existed. Labor is the superior of capital, and deserves much the higher consideration.”
    – December 3, 1861 – Lincoln’s First Annual Message to Congress

    “I have here stated my purpose according to my view of official duty; and I intend no modification of my oft-expressed personal wish that all men everywhere could be free.”
    – August 22, 1862 – Letter to Horace Greeley

    “I would save the Union. I would save it the shortest way under the Constitution. The sooner the national authority can be restored; the nearer the Union will be ‘the Union as it was.’”
    – August 22, 1862 – Letter to Horace Greeley

    “My paramount object in this struggle is to save the Union, and is not either to save or to destroy slavery. If I could save the Union without freeing any slave I would do it, and if I could save it by freeing all the slaves I would do it; and if I could save it by freeing some and leaving others alone I would also do that. What I do about slavery, and the colored race, I do because I believe it helps to save the Union; and what I forbear, I forbear because I do not believe it would help to save the Union. I shall do less whenever I shall believe what I am doing hurts the cause, and I shall do more whenever I shall believe doing more will help the cause.”
    – August 22, 1862 – Letter to Horace Greeley

    “The will of God prevails. In great contests each party claims to act in accordance with the will of God. Both may be, and one must be, wrong.”
    – September 1862 – Meditation on the Divine Will

    “The dogmas of the quiet past, are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise — with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew, and act anew. We must disentrall ourselves, and then we shall save our country.”
    – December 1, 1862 – Lincoln’s Second Annual Message to Congress

    “In giving freedom to the slave, we assure freedom to the free — honorable alike in what we give, and what we preserve. We shall nobly save, or meanly lose, the last best, hope of earth.”
    – December 1, 1862 – Lincoln’s Second Annual Message to Congress

    “Fellow-citizens, we cannot escape history. We of this Congress and this administration, will be remembered in spite of ourselves. No personal significance, or insignificance, can spare one or another of us. The fiery trial through which we pass, will light us down, in honor or dishonor, to the latest generation.”
    – December 1, 1862 – Lincoln’s Second Annual Message to Congress

    “The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew, and act anew. We must disenthrall ourselves, and then we shall save our country.”
    – December 1, 1862 – Lincoln’s Second Annual Message to Congress

    “I cannot make it better known than it already is that I strongly favor colonization.”
    – December 1, 1862 – Lincoln’s Second Annual Message to Congress

    “In giving freedom to the slave, we assure freedom to the free – honorable alike in what we give, and what we preserve. We shall nobly save, or meanly lose, the last best hope of earth. Other means may succeed; this could not fail. The way is plain, peaceful, generous, just – a way which, if followed, the world will forever applaud, and God must forever bless.”
    – December 1, 1862 – Lincoln’s Second Annual Message to Congress

    “In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all; and, to the young, it comes with bitterest agony, because it takes them unawares.”
    – December 23, 1862 – Letter to Fanny McCullough

    “And by virtue of the power, and for the purpose aforesaid, I do order and declare that all persons held as slaves within said designated States, and parts of States, are, and henceforward shall be free; and that the Executive government of the United States, including the military and naval authorities thereof, will recognize and maintain the freedom of said persons.”
    – January 1, 1863 – Final Emancipation Proclamation

    “You are ambitious, which, within reasonable bounds, does good rather than harm.”
    – January 26, 1863 Letter to Joseph Hooker

    “I would like to speak in terms of praise due to the many brave officers and soldiers who have fought in the cause of the war.”
    – July 7, 1863 – Response to a Serenade

    “I freely acknowledge myself the servant of the people, according to the bond of service — the United States Constitution; and that, as such, I am responsible to them.”
    – August 26, 1863 – Letter to James Conkling

    “You dislike the emancipation proclamation; and, perhaps, would have it retracted. You say it is unconstitutional — I think differently.”
    – August 26, 1863 – Letter to James Conkling

    “But the proclamation, as law, either is valid, or is not valid. If it is not valid, it needs no retraction. If it is valid, it can not be retracted, any more than the dead can be brought to life.”
    – August 26, 1863 – Letter to James Conkling

    “Peace does not appear so distant as it did. I hope it will come soon, and come to stay; and so come as to be worth the keeping in all future time.”
    – August 26, 1863 – Letter to James Conkling

    “You say you will not fight to free negroes. Some of them seem willing to fight for you; but, no matter. Fight you, then exclusively to save the Union.”
    – August 26, 1863 – Letter to James Conkling

    “And then, there will be some black men who can remember that, with silent tongue, and clenched teeth, and steady eye, and well-poised bayonnet, they have helped mankind on to this great consummation…”
    – August 26, 1863 – Letter to James Conkling

    “I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity and Union.”
    –  October 3, 1863 – Proclamation of Thanksgiving

    “Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.”
    – November 19, 1863 – Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address

    “Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure.”
    – November 19, 1863 – Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address

    “…that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain; that this nation shall have a new birth of freedom; and that this government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.”
    – November 19, 1863 – Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address

    “I have never studied the art of paying compliments to women; but I must say that if all that has been said by orators and poets since the creation of the world in praise of women were applied to the women of America, it would not do them justice for their conduct during this war. I will close by saying, God bless the women of America!”
    – March 18, 1864 – Remarks at Closing of Sanitary Fair, Washington D.C.

    “Property is the fruit of labor…property is desirable…is a positive good in the world. That some should be rich shows that others may become rich, and hence is just encouragement to industry and enterprise. Let not him who is houseless pull down the house of another; but let him labor diligently and build one for himself, thus by example assuring that his own shall be safe from violence when built.”
    – March 21, 1864 – Reply to New York Workingmen’s Democratic Republican Association”.

    “If God now wills the removal of a great wrong, and wills also that we of the North as well as you of the South, shall pay fairly for our complicity in that wrong, impartial history will find therein new cause to attest and revere the justice and goodness of God.”
    – April 4, 1864 – Letter to Albert Hodges

    “I am naturally anti-slavery. If slavery is not wrong, nothing is wrong. I can not remember when I did not so think, and feel. And yet I have never understood that the Presidency conferred upon me an unrestricted right to act officially upon this judgment and feeling.”
    – April 4, 1864 – Letter to Albert Hodges

    “I claim not to have controlled events, but confess plainly that events have controlled me.”
    – April 4, 1864 – Letter to Albert Hodges

    “We all declare for liberty; but in using the same word we do not all mean the same thing. With some the word liberty may mean for each man to do as he pleases with himself, and the product of his labor; while with others, the same word many mean for some men to do as they please with other men, and the product of other men’s labor. Here are two, not only different, but incompatible things, called by the same name – liberty. And it follows that each of the things is, by the respective parties, called by two different and incompatible names – liberty and tyranny.”
    – April 18, 1864 – Address at Sanitary Fair, Baltimore, Maryland

    “I have not permitted myself, gentlemen, to conclude that I am the best man in the country; but I am reminded, in this connection, of a story of an old Dutch farmer who remarked to a companion once that ‘it was not best to swap horses while crossing streams’.”
    –June 9, 1864 – Reply to Delegation from the National Union League”

    “I am very glad indeed to see you to-night, and yet I will not say I thank you for this call, but I do most sincerely thank Almighty God for the occasion on which you have called.”
    – July 7, 1864 – Response to a Serenade

    “It is not merely for to-day, but for all time to come that we should perpetuate for our children’s children this great and free government, which we have enjoyed all our lives.”
    – August 22, 1864 – Speech to the One Hundred Sixty-sixth Ohio Regiment

    “I am greatly obliged to you, and to all who have come forward at the call of their country.”
    – August 22, 1864 – Speech to the One Hundred Sixty-sixth Ohio Regiment

    “There is more involved in this contest than is realized by every one. There is involved in this struggle the question whether your children and my children shall enjoy the privileges we have enjoyed.”
    – August 22, 1864 – Speech to the One Hundred Sixty-sixth Ohio Regiment

    “We have, as all will agree, a free Government, where every man has a right to be equal with every other man. In this great struggle, this form of Government and every form of human right is endangered if our enemies succeed.”
    – August 22, 1864 – Speech to the One Hundred Sixty-sixth Ohio Regiment

    “I happen temporarily to occupy this big White House. I am living witness that any one of your children may look to come here as my father’s child has.”
    – August 22, 1864 – Speech to the One Hundred Sixty-sixth Ohio Regiment

    “We hoped for a happy termination of this terrible war long before this; but God knows best, and has ruled otherwise. We shall yet acknowledge His wisdom and our own error therein.”
    – September 4, 1864 – Letter to Eliza Gurney

    “I am much indebted to the good Christian people of the country for their constant prayers and consolations; and to no one of them, more than to yourself.”
    – September 4, 1864 – Letter to Eliza Gurney

    “In regard to this Great Book, I have but to say, it is the best gift God has given to man. All the good the Savior gave to the world was communicated through this book.”
    – September 7, 1864 – Reply to Loyal Colored People of Baltimore upon Presentation of a Bible

    “I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom.”
    – November 21, 1864 – Letter to Mrs. Lydia Bixby

    “I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant General of Massachusetts, that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle. I feel how weak and fruitless must be any words of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering to you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to save. I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours, to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of Freedom.”
    – November 21, 1864 – Letter to Mrs. Lydia Bixby

    “One eighth of the whole population were colored slaves, not distributed generally over the Union, but localized in the Southern part of it. These slaves constituted a peculiar and powerful interest. All knew that this interest was, somehow, the cause of the war.”
    – March 4, 1865 – Lincoln’s Second Inaugural Address

    “Both read the same Bible, and pray to the same God; and each invokes His aid against the other. It may seem strange that any men should dare to ask a just God’s assistance in wringing their bread from the sweat of other men’s faces; but let us judge not that we be not judged. The prayers of both could not be answered; that of neither has been answered fully.”
    – March 4, 1865 – Lincoln’s Second Inaugural Address

    “With malice toward none; with charity for all; with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation’s wounds; to care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow, and his orphan…”
    – March 4, 1865 – Lincoln’s Second Inaugural Address

    “Both parties deprecated war; but one of them would make war rather than let the nation survive; and the other would accept war rather than let it perish. And the war came …. Fondly do we hope — fervently do we pray — that this mighty scourge of war may speedily pass away.”
    – March 4, 1865 – Lincoln’s Second Inaugural Address

    “With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation’s wounds; to care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow and his orphan – to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace, among ourselves, and with all nations.”
    – March 4, 1865 – Lincoln’s Second Inaugural Address

    “Neither party expected for the war, the magnitude, or the duration, which it has already attained. Neither anticipated that the cause of the conflict might cease with, or even before, the conflict itself should cease. Each looked for an easier triumph, and a result less fundamental and astounding. Both read the same Bible, and pray to the same God; and each invokes His aid against the other. It may seem strange that any men should dare to ask a just God’s assistance in wringing their bread from the sweat of other men’s faces; but let us judge not, that we be not judged. The prayers of both could not be answered; that of neither has been answered fully. The Almighty has His own purposes.”
    – March 4, 1865 – Lincoln’s Second Inaugural Address

    “Whenever I hear any one arguing for slavery I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.”
    – March 17, 1865 – Speech to One Hundred Fortieth Indiana Regiment

    Have quotes of your own that you would like the world to read and always remember? Submit Them!

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  • Matt 8:04 pm on September 28, 2009 Permalink | Reply

    Enjoy some of the funniest quotes by everyone’s favorite movie star, Homer Simpson.

    • Operator! Give me the number for 911!
    • Oh, so they have internet on computers now!
    • Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!
    • Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.
    • I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman.
    • Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.
    • Well, it’s 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.
    • Maybe, just once, someone will call me ‘Sir’ without adding, ‘You’re making a scene.’
    • Marge, don’t discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.
    • Doughnuts. Is there anything they can’t do?
    • You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
    • Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
    • When will I learn? The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!
    • Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get.
    • I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!
    • [Meeting Aliens] Please don’t eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
    • What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
    • Marge, you’re as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
    • Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
    • The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it’s time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!
    • When I look at the smiles on all the children’s faces, I just know they’re about to jab me with something.
    • I’m having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!
    • Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn’t, it’s that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.
    • I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?
    • Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you’re prejudiced against all races.
    • It’s not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
    • Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
    • I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
    • Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.
    • Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman’s bottom? That’s right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman.
    • Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
    • How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
    • Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
    • Homer no function beer well without.
    • I’ve always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is — and it’s me.
    • Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?
    • If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can’t speak English.
    • I’m never going to be disabled. I’m sick of being so healthy.
    • I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
    • [Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]
    • Hee hee! Look at this country! ‘You-are-gay.’
    • All my life I’ve had one dream, to achieve my many goals.
    • Dad, you’ve done a lot of great things, but you’re a very old man, and old people are useless.
    • But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.
    • I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.
    • Dear Lord.. The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here’s the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won’t ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal.
    • That’s it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I’m going to clown college!
    • Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.
    • If something’s hard to do, then it’s not worth doing
    • I’m in no condition to drive…wait! I shouldn’t listen to myself, I’m drunk!
    • ‘To Start Press Any Key’. Where’s the ANY key?

    Have some more Homer quotes that should join this list for everybody to read?! Submit them!

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  • Matt 2:38 pm on September 15, 2009 Permalink | Reply

    Here are some truly amazing quotes and I believe will lift anyone, who reads them, up. Perseverance has inspired most of the great minds throughout history. So Read, Enjoy and Persevere!


    (found on ineedmotivation.com)

    When the world says, “Give up,” Hope whispers, “Try it one more time.”
    - Author Unknown

    When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
    - Franklin D. Roosevelt

    Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.
    - Josh Billings

    Fall seven times, stand up eight.
    - Japanese Proverb

    Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did.
    - Newt Gingrich

    It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.
    - Albert Einstein

    Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
    - Walter Elliott

    Don’t be discouraged. It’s often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock.
    - Author Unknown

    If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.
    - Buddhist Saying

    Keep on going, and the chances are that you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I never heard of anyone ever stumbling on something sitting down.
    - Charles F. Kettering

    Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they’ve got a second.
    - William James

    Difficult things take a long time, impossible things a little longer.
    - Author Unknown

    Don’t let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use.
    - Earl Nightingale

    Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal. My strength lies solely in my tenacity.
    - Louis Pasteur

    If you are going through hell, keep going.
    - Winston Churchill

    Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.
    - William Feather

    Paralyze resistance with persistence.
    - Woody Hayes

    All right Mister, let me tell you what winning means… you’re willing to go longer, work harder, give more than anyone else.
    - Vincent Lombardi

    Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
    - Thomas Edison

    How long should you try? Until.
    - Jim Rohn

    Have any of your own perseverance quotes? Share them! And let the world read and rate them!

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  • Matt 12:53 pm on September 8, 2009 Permalink | Reply

    Grab a bar of chocolate, sit back and enjoy 50 of the world’s finest quotes about our sweet chocolate!

    (found on healthdiaries.com)

    “What you see before you, my friend, is the result of a lifetime of chocolate.” – Katherine Hepburn

    “There’s nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with chocolate.” – Linda Grayson

    “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” – Charles M. Schulz

    “Look, there’s no metaphysics on earth like chocolates.” – Fernando Pessoa

    “The superiority of chocolate, both for health and nourishment, will soon give it the same preference over tea and coffee in America which it has in Spain.” – Thomas Jefferson

    “I never met a chocolate I didn’t like.” – Deanna Troi, Star Trek: The Next Generation

    “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M’s and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” – Dave Barry

    “Caramels are only a fad. Chocolate is a permanent thing.” – Milton Snavely Hershey

    “Chocolate is a perfect food, as wholesome as it is delicious, a beneficent restorer of exhausted power. It is the best friend of those engaged in literary pursuits.” – Baron Justus von Liebig

    “You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.” – George Carlin

    “If you are not feeling well, if you have not slept, chocolate will revive you. But you have no chocolate! I think of that again and again! My dear, how will you ever manage?” – Marquise de Sévigné

    “Nine out of ten people like chocolate. The tenth person always lies.” – John Q. Tullius

    “My favorite thing in the world is a box of fine European chocolates which is, for sure, better than sex.” – Alicia Silverstone

    “Love is like swallowing hot chocolate before it has cooled off. It takes you by surprise at first, but keeps you warm for a long time.” – Anonymous

    “Never mind about 1066 William the Conqueror, 1087 William the Second. Such things are not going to affect one?s life … but 1932 the Mars Bar and 1936 Maltesers and 1937 the Kit Kat – these dates are milestones in history and should be seared into the memory of every child in the country.” – Roald Dahl

    “Make a list of important things to do today. At the top of your list, put “eat chocolate.” Now, you’ll get at least one thing done today.” – Gina Hayes

    “Forget love … I’d rather fall in chocolate!” – Anonymous

    “I owe it all to little chocolate donuts.” – John Belushi

    “It’s not that chocolates are a substitute for love. Love is a substitute for chocolate. Chocolate is, let’s face it, far more reliable than a man.” – Miranda Ingram

    “Any sane person loves chocolate.” – Bob Greene

    “Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands – and then eat just one of those pieces.” – Judith Viorst

    “Don’t wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty. Chocolate isn’t like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant. And it always feels good.” – Lora Brody, Growing Up on the Chocolate Diet

    “Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can’t remember what they are.” – Matt Lauer

    “All of the evil that people have thrust upon chocolate is really more deserved by milk chocolate, which is essentially contaminated. The closer you get to a pure chocolate liquor (the chocolate essence ground from roasted cacao beans) the purer it is, the more satisfying it is, the safer it is, and the healthier it is.” – Arnold Ismach, The Darker Side of Chocolate

    “Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.” – Truman Capote

    “The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!” – Terry Moore

    “I owe it all to little chocolate donuts.” – John Belushi

    “Chemically speaking, chocolate really is the world’s perfect food.” – Michael Levine, The Emperors of Chocolate: Inside the Secret World of Hershey and Mars

    “It has been shown as proof positive that carefully prepared chocolate is as healthful a food as it is pleasant; that it is nourishing and easily digested… that it is above all helpful to people who must do a great deal of mental work.” – Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

    “Self-discipline implies some unpleasant things to me, including staying away from chocolate and keeping my hands out of women’s pants.” – Oleg Kiselev

    “Chocolate: Here today … Gone today!” – Anonymous

    “Life is like a box of chocolates … You never know what you’re gonna get.” – Forrest Gump

    “Once in a while I say, ‘Go for it’ and I eat chocolate.” – Claudia Schiffer

    “A little chocolate is like a love affair – an occasional sweet release that lightens the spirit. A lot of chocolate is like marriage – it seems so good at first but before you know it you’ve got chunky hips and a waddle-walk.” – Linda Solegato

    “What use are cartridges in battle? I always carry chocolate instead.” – George Bernard Shaw

    “There’s more to life than chocolate, but not right now.” – Anonymous

    “Chocolate makes everyone smile-even bankers.” – Benneville Strohecker, chocolatier

    “Chocolate: the poor mans’ champagne.” – Daniel Worona

    “Chocolate is a divine, celestial drink, the sweat of the stars, the vital seed, divine nectar, the drink of the gods, panacea and universal medicine.” – Geronimo Piperni, quoted by Antonio Lavedán, Spanish army surgeon,1796

    “There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles.” – Anonymous

    “After eating chocolate you feel godlike, as though you can conquer enemies, lead armies, entice lovers.” – Emily Luchetti

    “The Spanish ladies of the New World are madly addicted to chocolate, to such a point that, not content to drink it several times each day, they even have it served to them in church.” – Jean-Antheleme Brillat-Savarin, The Physiology of Taste (1825)

    “Nothing is more romantic than chocolate.” – Ted Allen, Queer Eye For The Straight Guy

    “Chocolate is nature’s way of making up for Mondays.” – Anonymous

    “Biochemically, love is just like eating large amounts of chocolate.” John Milton, The Devil’s Advocate

    “God gave the angels wings, and he gave humans chocolate.” – Anonymous

    “Chocolate is the only aromatherapy I need.” – Jasmine Heiler

    “The divine drink which builds up resistance and fights fatigue. A cup of this precious drink permits man to walk for a whole day without food.” – Hernando Cortés (1519)

    “Chocolate remedies adversity.” – Jareb Teague

    “Other things are just food. But chocolate’s chocolate.” – Patrick Skene Catling

    Have your own thoughts on chocolate? Share them!

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  • Matt 9:30 am on September 6, 2009 Permalink | Reply

    The First Philosophers “Philosophy begins with Thales” The First Philosophers

    CONFUCIUS “The object of the superior man is truth” The Analects (c450BC)
    PLATO

    “Until Philosophers are kings…cities will never have rest from their troubles”.

    The Republic (c355BC)
    The Symposium (c355BC)
    The Apology (c355BC)
    ARISTOTLE

    “If it is in our power to act nobly, it is also in our power to do evil.”

    Nicomachean Ethics (c300BC)
    The Politics (c300BC)
    EPICURUS

    “No pleasure is a bad thing in itself”

    Sovran Maxims (c300BC)
    CICERO

    “Virtue is the foundation of friendship”

    On Friendship and Old Age (c50BC)
    Marcus AURELIUS

    “…We live but for a moment”

    Meditations (c180AD)
    St AUGUSTINE

    “Too late have I come to love you, O beauty so ancient and so fresh”

    Confessions (c390)
    Severinus BOETHIUS

    “The good are always strong”

    The Consolation of Philosophy (c520)
    Desiderius ERASMUS

    “Fortune favours the fool.”

    In Praise of Folly (1515)
    Thomas MORE

    “All princes have more delights in warlike matters… than in the good feats of peace”

    Utopia (1515)
    Niccolò MACHIAVELLI

    “Men ought either to be well treated or crushed”

    The Prince (1520)
    Nicolaus COPERNICUS

    “Therefore, the earth is not flat”

    Revolutions of the Celestial Orbs (1543)
    Francis BACON

    “if a man … be content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainties.

    The Advancement of Learning (1605)
    René DESCARTES

    “I think, therefore I am”

    Meditations on First Philosophy (1641)
    Discourse on Method (1637)
    Thomas HOBBES

    “…the life of man, solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short”

    Leviathan (1651)
    Blaise PASCAL

    “Man is but a reed, the most feeble thing in nature, but he is a thinking reed.”

    Thoughts (1660)
    Baruch SPINOZA

    “there can be no hope without fear, and no fear without hope”

    Ethics (1677)
    Isaac NEWTON

    “I am only a child playing on the beach, while vast oceans of truth lie undiscovered before me.”

    Natural Mathematical Principles of Philosophy (1677)
    John LOCKE

    “I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts”

    Essay Concerning Human Understanding (1690)
    Gottfried LEIBNIZ

    “The soul is the mirror of the universe”

    Monadology (1698)
    George BERKELEY

    “Essence IS perception”

    Principles of Human Knowledge (1710)
    David HUME

    “It is never possible to deduce judgements of value from matters of fact”

    Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding (1751)
    Jean-Jacques ROUSSEAU

    “Man was born free, and everywhere he is in irons”

    The Social Contract (1762)
    Adam SMITH

    “It is not from the benevolence of the.. baker that we expect our dinner, but from their regard to their own interest.”

    The Wealth of Nations (1776)
    Immanuel KANT

    “Reason is the pupil of itself alone. It is the oldest of the sciences”

    Critiques of Pure & Practical Reason (1781)
    Metaphysics of Morals (1785)
    Jeremy BENTHAM

    “Mankind is governed by pain and pleasure”

    Principles of Morals and Legislation (1789)
    Thomas PAINE

    “Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil”

    The Rights of Man (1792)
    Mary WOLLSTONECRAFT

    “I do not wish them to have power over men; but over themselves.”

    Vindication of the Rights of Women (1792)
    Le Marquis De SADE

    “Cruelty is a virtue, not a vice.”

    Philosophy in the Boudoir (1795)
    Auguste COMTE

    “Society… cannot be regarded as composed of individuals..”

    Positive Philosophy (1795)
    Carl Von CLAUSEWITZ

    “War is the continuation of politics by other means”

    On War (1830)
    Alexis de Tocqueville “In America I saw more than America; I sought the image of democracy itself.” Democracy in America (1835)
    GWF HEGEL

    “God is the absolute truth.”

    The Philosophy of Religion (1832)
    The Philosophy of History (1837)

    Ralph Waldo EMERSON “A man is a god in ruins.” Nature (1836)
    Arthur SCHOPENHAUER

    “We can surely never arrive at the nature of things from without.”

    The World as Will and Idea (1844)
    MARX and ENGELS

    “The ideas of the ruling class are the ruling ideas.”

    The German Ideology (1846)
    The Communist Manifesto (1846)
    John Stuart MILL

    “Over himself, over his own body and mind, the individual is sovereign.”

    On Liberty (1859)
    A System of Logic (1843)
    Henry D THOREAU

    “It is never too late to give up our prejudices..”

    Walden (1854)
    Charles DARWIN

    “…endless forms most beautiful and most wonderful have been, and are being evolved.”

    On The Origin of Species (1859)
    Friedrich NIETZSCHE

    “When you stare into an abyss … the abyss also stares into you”.

    Beyond Good and Evil (1886)
    William JAMES

    “If merely ‘feeling good’ could decide, drunkenness would be the supremely valid human experience”.

    Varieties of Religious Experience (1902)
    Sigmund FREUD

    “…we men… find reality generally quite unsatisfactory”

    Psychoanalysis (1910)
    Albert EINSTEIN

    “Gott würfelt nicht (God does not play dice)”

    Relativity (1916)
    Ludwig WITTGENSTEIN

    “The world is the totality of facts, not things.”

    Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus (1921)
    A.J. AYER

    “…logic and mathematics are true simply because we never allow them to be anything else.”

    Language, Truth + Logic (1936)
    Jean-Paul SARTRE

    “Once freedom has exploded in the soul of man, the gods no longer have any power over him”

    Existentialism is a Humanism (1945)
    Alan TURING

    “Can machines think?”

    Computing Machinery & Intelligence (1950)
    Sir Karl POPPER

    “Science may be described as the art of systematic oversimplification”

    The Logic of Scientific Discovery (1957)
    Ayn RAND “Objectivist ethics proudly advocates and upholds rational selfishness.” The Virtue of Selfishness (1964)

    Share Your Own Quote! Who knows maybe you’ll join this list someday??

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  • Matt 2:53 pm on September 5, 2009 Permalink | Reply

    Sit back, read, and enjoy some of the funniest quotes known to man! (found on leftofzen.com)

    Albert Einstein Funny Quotes

    1. The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

    2. As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.

    3. Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

    4. The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.

    5. If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.

    6. I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

    Fredrick Nietzsche Funny Quotes

    7. In the beginning was nonsense, and the nonsense was with God, and the nonsense was God.

    8. A casual stroll through a lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.

    9. Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

    10. Is man one of God’s blunders? Or is God one of man’s blunders?

    11. Many are stubborn in pursuit of the path they have chosen, few in pursuit of the goal.

    Mark Twain Funny Quotes

    12. Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

    13. Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

    14. I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.

    15. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

    16. The man who doesn’t read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.

    17. “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”


    Voltaire Funny Quotes

    18. Prejudices are what fools use for reason.

    19. If there were no God, it would have been necessary to invent him.

    20. Every man is guilty of all the good he didn’t do.

    21. No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.

    22. The true triumph of reason is that it enables us to get along with those who do not possess it.

    23. It is hard to free fools from the chains they revere.

    24. There are men who can think no deeper than a fact.

    25. Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities has the power to make you commit injustices.

    26. Anything too stupid to be said is sung.

    27. By appreciation, we make excellence in others our own property.

    28. Governments need to have both shepherds and butchers.

    Plato Funny Quotes

    29. One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.

    30. No one ever teaches well who wants to teach, or governs well who wants to govern.

    31. This City is what it is because our citizens are what they are.

    32. Courage is knowing what not to fear.

    33. The measure of a man is what he does with power.

    Winston Churchill Funny Quotes

    34. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

    35. If you are going through hell, keep going.

    36. The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

    37. It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.

    George Carlin Funny Quotes

    38. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

    39. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

    40. Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

    41. You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

    42. Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us. She said, “You show me a tropical fruit and I’ll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.”

    43. I never fucked a ten, but one night, I fucked five twos.

    44. What year did Jesus think it was?

    45. The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

    46. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    47. “No comment” is a comment.

    48. If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

    49. The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.

    Steve Martin Funny Quotes

    50. Boy, those French: They have a different word for everything!

    51. There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.

    52. Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It’s something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.

    53. I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

    54. You know what your problem is, it’s that you haven’t seen enough movies – all of life’s riddles are answered in the movies.

    55. First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

    56. Why is it we don’t always recognize the moment when love begins, but we always know when it ends?
    * As Harris K. Telemacher in “L.A. Story” (1991)

    Steven Colbert Funny Quotes

    57. “To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush…I feel like I’m dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I’m a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough…Somebody shoot me in the face.”
    -Roasting Bush at the 2006 White House Correspondents’ dinner

    58. On this show, your voice will be heard – in the form of my voice.

    59. There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.

    60. Folks, the President needs a break. He’s like a Black and Decker cordless Dirt Devil vacuum. If you don’t recharge his batteries, he can’t suck.

    61. I’ve always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can’t judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?

    62. Now, I don’t see color. People tell me I’m white and I believe them because police officers call me “sir”.

    63. Asia: Four little letters, three billion little people.

    64. “There’s nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends that are going to hell.”

    65. Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.

    Jon Stewart Funny Quotes

    66. I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

    67. Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.

    68. We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There’s just one problem – it’s in North Korea.

    69. We declared war on terror—it’s not even a noun, so, good luck.

    70. Here’s how bizarre the war is that we’re in in Iraq, and we should have known this right from the get-go: When we first went into Iraq, Germany didn’t want to go. Germany. The Michael Jordan of war took a pass.
    Jon Stewart’s Stand-up performance at RIT, 2005

    Bill Maher Funny Quotes

    71. Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

    72. I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.

    73. Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.

    74. They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week,
    which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.

    Jerry Seinfeld Funny Quotes

    75. Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little
    bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

    76. Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge.

    77. There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, “I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.”

    78. Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? “Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.”


    Larry David Funny Quotes

    79. Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough.

    80. If you tell the truth about how you’re feeling, it becomes funny.

    81. I’m surprized Hitler didn’t round up the toupee people.”

    Dennis Miller Funny Quotes

    82. A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

    83. The average American’s day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles’s dart board.

    84. “The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.”


    Jay Leno Funny Quotes

    85. Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

    86. The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.

    87. Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you’ve met your New Year’s resolution.

    88. The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.

    Rodney Dangerfield Funny Quotes


    89. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

    90. Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

    91. I’m at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

    92. A girl phoned me and said, “Come on over. There’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home!

    93. Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.


    Sarah Silverman Funny Quotes

    94. When God gives you AIDS – and God does give you AIDS, by the way – make lemonAIDS.

    95. I was raped by a doctor. Which is, you know, so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.


    Chris Rock Funny Quotes

    96. Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

    97. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

    98. If a woman tells you she’s twenty and looks sixteen, she’s twelve. If she tells you she’s twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she’s damn near fourty.

    99. “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to
    go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colon.’ Need I say more?”

    100. “You won’t be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.”
    Chris Rock while hosting the Oscars

    101. Gas is getting so expensive I’m gonna ride a mexican to work.

    Have any funny quotes of your own?! Share them on this website and let the world read and rate them!

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  • Matt 1:32 pm on September 5, 2009 Permalink | Reply

    Here’s a great collection of quotes (found on Design Was Here)  that will hopefully inspire, motivate, assist and just help out designers around the world and possibly spark the creative designer inside of you!

    Read and Share this Quotes and be Inspired today!

    Good design is a lot like clear thinking made visual.

    — Edward Tufte

    Design is intelligence made visible.

    — Alina Wheeler

    Math is easy; design is hard.

    — Jeffrey Veen

    Design is the conscious effort to impose a meaningful order.

    — Victor Papanek

    Design trends online change more often than the wind, and slightly less often than my socks.

    — Suleiman Leadbitter

    Content precedes design. Design in the absence of content is not design, it’s decoration.

    — Jeffrey Zeldman

    People think that design is styling. Design is not style. It’s not about giving shape to the shell and not giving a damn about the guts. Good design is a renaissance attitude that combines technology, cognitive science, human need, and beauty to produce something that the world didn’t know it was missing.

    — Paola Antonelli

    Design is an opportunity to continue telling the story, not just to sum everything up.

    — Tate Linden

    Design is not the narrow application of formal skills, it is a way of thinking.

    — Chris Pullman

    Designers are meant to be loved, not to be understood.

    — Fabien Barral

    Design is about making things good (and then better) and right (and fantastic) for the people who use and encounter them.

    — Matt Beale

    Design is the fundamental soul of a human-made creation that ends up expressing itself in successive outer layers of the product or service.

    — Steve Jobs

    I’m convinced that without bad design, the world would be a far less stimulating place; we would have nothing to marvel over and nothing to be nostalgic about.

    — Carrie Phillips

    Behavioral design is all about feeling in control. Includes: usability, understanding, but also the feel.

    — Don Norman

    Good design must be defined by appropriateness to audience and goals, and by its effectiveness, not by its adherence to Swiss design or the number of awards it wins.

    — Drew Davies

    Being a famous designer is like being a famous dentist.

    — Noreen Morioka

    Design creates culture. Culture shapes values. Values determine the future.

    — Robert L. Peters

    It’s art if can’t be explained.
    It’s fashion if no one asks for an explanation.
    It’s design if it doesn’t need explanation.

    — Wouter Stokkel

    You can’t do better design with a computer, but you can speed up your work enormously.

    — Wim Crouwel

    I love the comment, “You must love designing for a living.” At that point I usually start to laugh or break into uncontrollable tears.

    — Andrew Lewis

    The dumbest mistake is viewing design as something you do at the end of the process to ‘tidy up’ the mess, as opposed to understanding it’s a ‘day one’ issue and part of everything.

    — Tom Peters

    Designers have a dual duty; contractually to their clients and morally to the later users and recipients of their work.

    — Hans Höger

    Computers are to design as microwaves are to cooking.

    — Milton Glaser

    I find modernist design boring, but it so much faster!

    — Christine Suewon Lee

    A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

    — Douglas Adams

    A camel is a horse designed by a committee.

    — Sir Alec Issigonis

    A designer can mull over complicated designs for months. Then suddenly the simple, elegant, beautiful solution occurs to him. When it happens to you, it feels as if God is talking! And maybe He is.

    — Leo Frankowski

    For me, design is like choosing what I’m going to wear for the day – only much more complicated and not really the same at all.

    — Robynne Raye

    Design is a means toward accomplishing the end goals of serving markets and generating profits. Furthermore, design is an element in social responsibility. Good design allows “form to complement performance.” The way things look is not irrelevant to the way things work: how they work is how they should look.

    — Thomas F. Schutte

    Art is like masturbation. It is selfish and introverted and done for you and you alone. Design is like sex. There is someone else involved, their needs are just as important as your own, and if everything goes right, both parties are happy in the end.

    — Colin Wright

    Many desperate acts of design (including gradients, drop shadows, and the gratuitous use of transparency) are perpetuated in the absence of a strong concept. A good idea provides a framework for design decisions, guiding the work.

    — Noreen Morioka

    I would show my my jobs to my mother, and she would always say the same thing: “That’s nice dear.” And then she would say, “Did you write it?” or “Did you do the drawing?” or “Did you take the pictures?” I’d always answer “no,” then I realized the problem. My answer was then, “I made this happen. It’s called design.”

    — Brian Webb

    Most [clients] expect experience design to be a discrete activity, solving all their problems with a single functional specification or a single research study. It must be an ongoing effort, a process of continually learning about users, responding to their behaviors, and evolving the product or service.

    — Dan Brown

    Technology over technique produces emotionless design.

    — Daniel Mall

    I think design covers so much more than the aesthetic. Design is fundamentally more. Design is usability. It is Information Architecture. It is Accessibility. This is all design.

    — Mark Boulton

    A design isn’t finished until somebody is using it.

    — Brenda Laurel/p>

    The life of a designer is a life of fight: fight against the ugliness.

    — Massimo Vignelli

    If design isn’t profitable, then it’s art.

    — Henrik Fiskar

    Good design is all about making other designers feel like idiots because that idea wasn’t theirs.

    — Frank Chimero

    A well-designed text will seem weightless after a time; the initial feel of the book fades away as the mind becomes engrossed in the words.

    — Mandy Brown

    Graphic design will save the world right after rock and roll does.

    — David Carson

    The difference between a Designer and Developer, when it comes to design skills, is the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing it.

    — Scott Hanselman

    Practice safe design: Use a concept.

    — Petrula Vrontikis

    Create your own visual style… let it be unique for yourself and yet identifiable for others.

    — Orson Welles

    Good design keeps the user happy, the manufacturer in the black and the aesthete unoffended.

    — Raymond Loewy

    Always design a thing by considering it in its next larger context – a chair in a room, a room in a house, a house in an environment, an environment in a city plan.

    — Eliel Saarinen

    Truly elegant design incorporates top-notch functionality into a simple, uncluttered form.

    — David Lewis

    A designer knows he has achieved perfection not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

    — Antoine de Saint Exupéry

    Designers think everything done by someone else is awful, and that they could do it better themselves, which explains why I designed my own living room carpet, I suppose.

    — Chris Bangle

    It’s really hard to design products by focus groups. A lot of times, people don’t know what they want until you show it to them.

    — Steve Jobs

    At a meta level, design connects the dots between mere survival and humanism.

    — Erik Adigard

    To say that something is designed means it has intentions that go beyond its function. Otherwise it’s just planning.

    — Ayse Birsel

    — Ivan Chermayeff

    No design works unless it embodies ideas that are held common by the people for whom the object is intended.

    — Adrian Forty

    Many things difficult to design prove easy to perform.

    — Samuel Johnson

    The designer is a visually literate person, just as an editor is expected by training and inclination to be versed in language and literature, but to call the former an artist by occupation is as absurd as to refer to the latter as a poet.

    — Douglas Martin

    Questions about whether design is necessary or affordable are quite beside the point: design is inevitable. The alternative to good design is bad design, not no design at all. Everyone makes design decisions all the time without realizing it—like Moliere’s M. Jourdain who discovered he had been speaking prose all his life—and good design is simply the result of making these decisions consciously, at the right stage, and in consultation with others as the need arises.

    — Douglas Martin

    Design is easy. All you do is stare at the screen until drops of blood form on your forehead.

    — Marty Neumeier

    The only important thing about design is how it relates to people.

    — Victor Papanek

    Our opportunity, as designers, is to learn how to handle the complexity, rather than shy away from it, and to realize that the big art of design is to make complicated things simple.

    — Tim Parsey

    The public is more familiar with bad design than good design. It is, in effect, conditioned to prefer bad design, because that is what it lives with. He new becomes threatening, the old reassuring.

    — Paul Rand

    Art is an idea that has found its perfect visual expression. And design is the vehicle by which this expression is made possible. Art is a noun, and design is a noun and also a verb. Art is a product and design is a process. Design is the foundation of all the arts.

    — Paul Rand

    Designing a product is designing a relationship.

    — Steve Rogers

    It is easy to fail when designing an interactive experience. Designers fail when they do not know the audience, integrate the threads of content and context, welcome the public properly, or make clear what the experience is and what the audience’s role in it will be.

    — Edwin Schlossberg

    Good design is good business.

    — Thomas J. Watson Jr.

    Great design will not sell an inferior product, but it will enable a great product to achieve its maximum potential.

    — Thomas J. Watson Jr.

    …designers can make life more bearable by producing stuff that touches its audience rather than fucks them in the head.

    — Jon Wozencraft

    Design is in everything we make, but it’s also between those things. It’s a mix of craft, science, storytelling, propaganda, and philosophy.

    — Erik Adigard

    I never design a building before I’ve seen the site and met the people who will be using it.

    — Frank Lloyd Wright

    The fundamental failure of most graphic, product, architectural, and even urban design is its insistence on serving the God of Looking-Good rather than the God of Being-Good.

    — Richard Saul Wurman

    Design is a plan for arranging elements in such a way as best to accomplish a particular purpose.

    — Charles Eames

    Everything is designed. Few things are designed well.

    — Brian Reed

    There is no design without discipline. There is no discipline without intelligence.

    — Massimo Vignelli

    People ignore design that ignores people.

    — Frank Chimero

    I’ve always held to the belief that the practice of creating compelling graphic design occurs not by employing the principals of a democracy, but rather, that of a monarchy.

    — Thomas Vasquez

    Good design is obvious. Great design is transparent.

    — Joe Sparano

    Every designers’ dirty little secret is that they copy other designers’ work. They see work they like, and they imitate it. Rather cheekily, they call this inspiration.

    — Aaron Russell

    The most innovative designers consciously reject the standard option box and cultivate an appetite for thinking wrong.

    — Marty Neumeier

    Visual design is often the polar opposite of engineering: trading hard edges for subjective decisions based on gut feelings and personal experiences. It’s messy, unpredictable, and notoriously hard to measure. The apparently erratic behavior of artists drives engineers bananas. Their decisions seem arbitrary and risk everything with no guaranteed benefit.

    — Scott Stevenson

    Design is where science and art break even.

    — Robin Mathew

    Good design goes to heaven; bad design goes everywhere.

    — Mieke Gerritzen

    A designer is a planner with an aesthetic sense.

    — Bruno Munari

    Design is the application of intent – the opposite of happenstance, and an antidote to accident.

    — Robert L. Peters

    Design is the search for a magical balance between business and art; art and craft; intuition and reason; concept and detail; playfulness and formality; client and designer; designer and printer; and printer and public.

    — Valerie Pettis

    Design should never say, “Look at me.” It should always say, “Look at this.”

    — David Craib

    Bad design is smoke, while good design is a mirror.

    — Juan-Carlos Fernàndez

    Don’t design for everyone. It’s impossible. All you end up doing is designing something that makes everyone unhappy.

    — Leisa Reichelt

    Design is as much an act of spacing as an act of marking.

    — Ellen Lupton

    The design process, at its best, integrates the aspirations of art, science, and culture.

    — Jeff Smith

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